Tag Archive | truths

My baggage


 This was really hard for me to publish because this was something that i chose to keep inside but maybe my unfiltered truth can be someone elses break through. So i share with you unselfishly. Here goes……………………………. I didn’t eat too healthy today. Had honeycomb cereal for  breakfast,  watermelon for a snack ,  2 hot dogs and 1 bottle of water and Chex mix for snack. I have been feeling frustrated with myself and everything surrounding it. Marriage could be better, 2 kids leaving for the military soon, 37 without a real career going for myself making 500 a month,  and everybody looks to me to fix there problems. Sometimes I can handle it and other times, it’s just too much to handle.  Like I’m being pushed into a corner wall.  It’s hard for me to stick with one thing. I never finish what I start. I complain all the time and I trust no one. I’m very critical of others but I am offended when I’m criticized.  I don’t feel worthy a lot of times. I am the happiest when I’m with my kids. I like doing hair, I like giving advice, I like helping people with my money secretly, I love respectful kids, I’m excellent with money management,  I am detail oriented,  very organized, I love to be around positivity all the time, negativity puts me in a bad frame of mind, I love to laugh and make people laugh,  I strive for harmony, I hate liars even though I lie to myself, I don’t say what I really feel inside, I hide my feelings from others,  I worry what others think of me, I always want people to like and be pleased with me, I either don’t have any friends or I’m just not a good one, I’m a nagging person,  I love hard, I forgive fairly easy, I believe that Jesus died for me, I have been born again, I have accept Christ as my lord and savior, I love writing and putting my feelings down on paper, I love to see people do well in life whether they like me or not,  I’m a people’s person most of the time, I crave knowledge and wisdom, I love to show love and affection to the mistreated and homeless, I have a quick temper and a attitude problem, I can be one of the sweetest people you’ll ever meet, I get lazy when I’m bored, It’s hard for me to sit down and relax most of the time, I almost always see the glass half empty instead of half full, I don’t take well to rejection,  I’m too prideful to ask for help but I take pride in people in need of help,  I lose motivation really fast, I haven’t really healed from my past ( just kinda tuck it in my pockets), it’s hard for me to get over stuff, I loved my father but i never liked him (he was very  abusive to my mother), I believe I’m mixed but have no real  proof which angers me sometimes, I don’t have a genuine relationship with my only sister( I don’t think she ever got over the fact that I was born), I allow my fears to stop me from doing things I want to experience,  I ignore people’s phone calls when I don’t want to be bothered and I don’t know what my real passion or purpose is….. wheeeeew! !! Never did this before. I guess you can lie to everybody else but you can’t lie to yourself. Laying it all out.. God , can you handle all of this? This is what I’ve been holding onto for years. This is my baggage.