God speaks to us in many ways. One of those ways is through our mess aka Trials and tribulations. For instance, I use to struggle with trust in my marriage. It was the hardest thing for me because of what I had been through. I use to pray to god to change my husband, change the situation just change something. lol But something happend that I wasnt expecting. Instead of god changing my husband’s behavior, he switched it back to me. He asked me to look at my own behavior. I was like… Me??? As you can imagine, I was looking around the room like he has to be talking about someone else. Why should I look at myself? I havent done anything wrong. See, god loved me so much that he took the time to chastize me like a father does a child. Like he was saying, well yes I see what he did but can you look at this situation at a different angle and ask yourself was there anything that you could have done differently in this situation? (god) Do you make it easy to talk to you about things? (me) I guess, I dont. (god) Do you spend more time telling him what hes doing wrong than what he’s doing right? (me) yes. (god) are you just waiting for him to mess up so you can punish him for it? (me) yes. (god) are you very impatient with him? (me) yes (god) Do you get angry and unforgiven when he lies to you? ( Me: Now we are getting somewhere…Yes Yes I do. I hate liars!! (God)Have I been angry and unforgiven with you when you lie to me?(me) no ( with water filling my eyes) (god) well then, Is his sin any worst than your sin? after all sin is sin to me. It doesnt matter what kind it is. There is not a level scale when it comes to sin. Whether you steal or murder, its all on the same level to me. But my unconditonal love for you will forgive you for any sin. And that right there has opened my eyes to life. I realized that I am not a victim. I realize that I wasnt as perfect of a wife as I thought I was and I realized that I didnt love my husband unconditionally. I loved him but not his flaws. God loves me with my flaws. Sometimes the problems in your marriage or relationships with people is not always them. It actually could be you too. We can not change other people only ourselves. Lets take our mind off ourselves and put it on god. He will direct you the rest of the way.
I want to talk about a subject that everyone is so excited about in the beginning then once they do it, they realize it’s not all peaches and cream.. … yeah, you guessed it
I was married in 2005 and divorced in 2008 due to infidelity. Then I married my best friend in 2012. Let me first say that marriage can be such a beautiful experience in life. But it’s also very challenging. What makes it so challenging? ( I just read your mind) well, when you marry someone, you become “as one”. All there issues become y’all issues. If you do something, go out somewhere, buy something, communicate thru text, email, skype etc, the other spouse should be on the same accord of agreement with it. If they are NOT or they don’t know about it, then it’s wrong in a marriage. When we make a decision to do something, we know if it’s right or not. We know if our other half would be pleased or not. And hey! If you are someone who doesn’t think like that then before you do it… ask yourself, would this piss my honey off if they found out? When you start making decisions that you hope the other person won’t find out about is when you move your marriage into a dangerous territory called division or separation. When there is a situation or subject that divides or separates a couple then you are not on the page ” as one”. I hope that make sense. Almost everything that one spouse does will have a effect on the other spouse. If one spouse does not pay a light bill on time and nothing is communicated, it will affect both of you because you both will be in the dark. THAT SMALL situation created division between the marriage because of no communication. That!! Ladies and gentlemen is a small crack of opportunity for the devil to work his magic in to your beautiful union. That’s all he need. An opportunity. He’s saying yes!!! I thought I would never get a chance to tear this marriage up. I couldn’t get them to be mad and breakup before cause every time you see them, there either praying together, praying for each other, keeping each other informed, laughing, having bible study with each other or having the best sex ever. Lol ( rubbing his hands together) the husband let the lights get cut off so I know she’s gonna be mad. Let me see how much damage I can do to this other wise beautiful marriage. That’s how the devil thinks about your marriage. He seeks to steal ( your marriage) kill ( your marriage) and destroy ( your marriage). So it’s up to you how you respond to the upsets in your marriage. Respond wrong ( you will give the devil a window of opportunity) respond right ( the devil lost his opportunity). Husbands, put god and wife first. Wives, put god and your husband first. Some of us have allowed the devil to screw our marriage up for so long that we don’t know where to start. That’s ok. God does… start with him. Just remember in a marriage that every one of us has weaknesses. No one is perfect so remove that expectation from your spirit. You have faults just like they do. When it seems like it hurts to think about making your marriage work because of the hurt and pain that you’ve endured. I understand that feeling all so good but pray for your spouse and ask God to restore you from the inside out and make you two whole again. Find you a prayer and fast on it every day and every night. Kiss your mate when you really feel like slapping the hell out of them. Love them hard even when you ” feel” they don’t deserve it. Your not doing it for them, your doing it as a sacrifice to god. Die to yourself. Fight for your marriage spiritually. If you really want it and watch god work.
Lately, I’ve been running into so many people who have a down fall of constantly trying to please other people. I know many of you reading this can relate. Rather it’s you parents, boyfriend, wife, children, boss, friends etc. How many times have you said, I want to go here or wear this outfit but I know (fill in the blank) won’t like it? So, you end up not doing what you want, just so someone else is pleased. Being a people pleaser makes you miserable. I must confess that I had it bad. I put my own feelings aside for people that mattered and it was so bad that I was trying to please people that I knew didn’t like me. How crazy is that? And let’s not talk about relationships. .. Omg, I use to bend over backwards for whoever I was dating to prove myself worthy to him. I liked wearing lipstick but if I knew they didn’t like it, I wouldn’t wear it. Or what about this all familar scenerio.
me: I want to go eat at McDonald’s.
Boyfriend: I like Burger King better. ( even though I hate Burger king)
me: oh ok, I’m sure I can find something there.
Meanwhile, I’m sitting at the restaurant miserable because I’m not happy with my choice but My hardest obstacle in life was my own mother.( believe it or not) My mom always used these manipulating tactics with me growing up. For instance, I always wanted to go to the airforce. So, after high school, I took the Asvab test to go to the Airfoce. That was around the same time my father passed away. So when my mom found out my plans, she started saying to me how if I left, she wouldn’t have anyone else here and how anything could happen to her. So instead of going through with my plans, I allowed her to manipulate me into staying and I never left. I’m still here in the same city (One decision I will always regret). When she saw that worked, she started using it to pick my friends. After I was married, I told her that my new husband and I ate thinking of moving 1 hour away to start our lives and what did she do? She starting tell me how she’s getting old and if she dies, she wanted me to have the house. I’m like, ok this is getting ridiculous. On her part and mine because I was allowing her to do it. To make a long story short. We are still moving and I am determined to live my life for me. My advice to you all is to realize your worth and start living like your worthy. Stop living to please others cause you’ll never satisfy them. Satisfying yourself is much more rewarding even though it’s hard to do at first. It’s worth it in the end.
This is another open forum for the ladies and gentlemen…
Question: Is sex more of a chore in a marriage/relationship or enjoyment?
I know some people can relate to both sides. You hear about people being in relationship for a couple of years and lose the sexual enjoyment. Instead it become more of a chore. Something you do out of an obligation. If you didn’t have to do it you wouldn’t.
Quick scenario: chick gets ready for bed in a head scarf, sweat pants, big t-shirt with one sock on and the other one off. Boyfriend/ husband/fiancé, scratching his butt real hard, farts, look at his chic like she did it then yanks his boxers out of his crack just before getting under the covers. The chic has all kind of names going through her head that she wants to call him but instead both of them turn their backs to each other until……… he turns around and press it against her butt and then she has 2 seconds to come up with a good fake snore, get a fast head ache or take a deep breath and give in hoping it will be over soon.
My question is where does things go wrong? and why? There are no right or wrong opinions. I
I feel that sex is very important in a relationship. It’s where 2 people get a chance to connect on a spiritual level with their soul mate. It relieves stress, it makes your bond closer. It’s enjoyment for me… what about you?