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I was asked to be the photographer at a young ladies 40th birthday party this month. It was an old school disco themed party. When I was asked, I jumped at the opportunity to experience adding the title event photographer to my portfolio. I was actually nervous and super excited at the same time. I was determined to get perfect shots. I am a very professional person so I made sure that I arrived 30 mins early to the event, I took pictures non stop, i made sure to turn my phone on silent, I didn’t eat or drink anything at the party and to think of it, I never took a bathroom break. The birthday girl gave me a time line that she wanted me to follow and gave me a list of pictures that she wanted me to take. I made sure to preset my smart watch to vibrate every time i needed to move on to the next thing on my list. My favorite pictures on that list were the candid shots. You know, the ones where they’re not paying much attention to you. I loved catching them in their natural element laughing, talking, slapping high 5’s, dancing or even taken selfies. I actually gained alot of knowledge that night and by stepping outside of my comfort zone, I taught myself a very valuable lesson….. Always Follow your butterflies.
Here are a few pics from the party
#relationshiprepair #personaldevelopment #relationships #love #successquote #listening #communication #marriagematters #marriage #couplesgoals #nosex #sexless #couplestherapy #lifecoach #selfdevelopment #counseling #counselling #averyaffirmations #averycounselling #langleybc #fortlangley #relationshipmaintenance #breakingbarriers #discernment #ishope #course #mindfulness #surreybc #techniques #deadbedroom
In general, Everyone has sexual needs. Am I right? Whether your single,in a relationship or married.
When in a committed relationship, you are restricted from satisfying those needs outside of the relationship. (Supposedly)
But what if your partner has no obligation to satisfy these needs for you within the relationship?
How do you handle that situation?
I was sitting in a restaurant one day eating by myself and i overheard a conversation with 5 ladies and 3 guys talking about their sexless marriages. To my surprise, it was the women who wanted sex more in the marriage. And it was the husbands who refused to give it up. That blew my mind. I always thought guys were the horny macoroni’s. The conversation had my full nosey attention. As i continued to pretend to be into my salad, i overheard one lady explain in frustration that it’s not merely the act of sex. She said, What I’m missing is being desired, having the intimacy and spontaneity that we had before. Breathing in each other’s air, cuddling up, caressing each other while watching tv, him kissing my shoulders or love tapping my derriere as I walk by, all of it. I miss the Secret glances, the anticipation. Where did it go and do I have to go the rest of my life without it? This is not the relationship that I was “promised” when we were married . The longer, I go without, the more I feel the attraction towards him leaving me. It is, in fact, a betrayal on his behalf. She finished her story in tears of frustration.
While everyone consoled her by rubbing her back and handing her tissues, I heard another lady began speaking.
By this time, I’m all in the conversation.
She blurted out. It’s been three and a half months since we have been together sexually and I’m starting to consider other alternatives. I started chewing my salad slow because i was afraid if i continued to chew fast, the crunching noise would become too loud for me to hear the juicy story i was listening to across the table. She continued. This isn’t what I signed up for, but the phrase for better or worse still means something to me. If we can’t improve things I’m afraid I’ll be someone who will cheat, and that isn’t who I want to be.
One of the guys butted in and said listen, I understand 100%.
Two wrongs don’t make a right, but the hole created lends to so many other problems such blocks in communciation, unconscious distancing, wandering eyes and the desire for the intimate touch even if it’s from another person/lover. It’s a terrible place in an otherwise very happy marriage.
some of the others commenting said they felt justified in cheating. But while that solves their problem temporarily, it creates its own new problems. In which they all shook their heads in agreement. Eventually they all had a chance to express their deepest feelings and were preparing to leave. After they left the restaurant, I sat there pondering over what id just overheard. I also realized that they all left with no resolve in sight. It has to be such an awful feeling to be married to someone that you love and crave sexually and them not crave you just as much. It has to feel like torture. Especially, If medical issues have been ruled out and your spouse won’t make any effort to help bring desire and sex back into the marriage when you lovingly and honestly express your needs, well, that’s telling you a lot.
What are your feelings on this subject? Cheat,divorce or suffer?
Do you enjoy headwraps as much as I do?
Why do I love ❤ them so? Im glad you asked. I am a very artistic person. I love ❤ reinventing myself. Headwraps are one way to do it. Its fashionable, pretty and lets not talk about how it helps you on those days that your hair refuse to behave. If you wear a headwrap the right way with some high heels and jeans……… oh girl!!!!!! Talking about stopping traffic lol. My Pinterest are full of them. Here are a few pictures of me with headwraps……
I’ve always wanted to do a natural hair photoshoot but never got around to doing it. As of lately, I have become fond of photography. I like it because it allows me to be creative and fun. I’ve also started wearing head wraps and makeup. In fact, I enjoy taking pictures so much, I decided to start doing photoshoots of natural hair women and men as a celebration of our natural beauty. I love to travel too so I figured I could combine the two and enjoy where it takes me. Here are some of my pictures
#relationshiprepair #personaldevelopment #relationships #love #successquote #listening #communication #marriagematters #marriage #couplesgoals #couplestherapy #lifecoach #selfdevelopment #counseling #counselling #sayyes
Last night my husband and I were reading a book called the 7 rings of marriage. Which is an awesome book if I must say. Anyways, we got on a particular part in the book that asked the question… will you say yes AND say no? Yea that was kind of confusing to me too. So my husband read on……. it went to explain. By saying “NO” it means that you and your spouse will decide to say no to divorce all together no matter what becomes of your marriage. Remaining true to your agreement with god. Anytime it gets bad in your marriage, the answer will always remain “NO” to divorce. It said you can already be happy or miserable as hell in the marriage but divorce will not be an option. Then it asked us a question that had me stuck in the middle of the street like a deer staring at a tracker trailers head lights. It said before moving on to the next chapter in this book, will you take the stand and vow, no to divorce and yes to your marriage as a ministry?……………….wheeeeew!!!!!! Just like that my husband answered yes I do!!!!! And he was sitting there waiting for me to answer but I was stuck. Really stuck!! Now don’t get me wrong, I love the shit out of my husband. I really do. But I’m like I remember times when I’ve gone to see a lawyer for divorce before because I felt like it was the last straw. I couldn’t take it anymore, I felt like I was going to lose my mind if I didn’t get a divorce. Yet this book and my husband is asking me to take my possibility of divorce away from me?. So, instead of answering my husband question, I begin asking him questions like, so babe, you are willing to stay with me no matter what!!!! I do to you in our marriage? Again he immediately said yes!!! So I took it up a notch and asked well what if I did the absolute worst to you aka cheated or something? Again yes!!!! So I asked how? He said because I know that you won’t do anything to hurt me. You’ve never given me a reason to feel that way so I feel positive. I’m thinking to myself, so I’ve made it easy for him to love me and trust me unconditionally. He has never been faced with the possibility with going through a divorce before. He’s never cried himself to sleep of pain and disappointment. He’s never been given the experience of……well you get what im saying. So quite naturally, it was that easy for him to answer because he’s only felt love, trust, support and loyalty in our marriage. But for me, it was hard. I felt paralyzed just from the thought of having no way out if I needed it. So the next morning when I got up, that question was heavily on my mind. I went outside with our doggie envy to let her use the bathroom and while I was waiting, I ask God a question. I said lord why is it so important for me to have a way out of my marriage? No answer. Then I asked again. Lord, why am I so afraid of commitment? Then I heard the record scratch like on tv when something happens. Wait a minute!!!! Whaaaat!!!! No no no that was not my question lord where did that come from? Afraid of commitment? No I’m not!! How am I afraid of commitment? I enjoy being married. I have never cheated on my husband. I’m not going anywhere!!!!……..unless…. (then I paused) then continued talking. Unless things are getting to hard for me or I feel like I don’t want to do it anymore. Wooow!!! Really god!!??? Are you really telling me off early in the morning? Oh!!! God wasn’t finished just yet with me. He said are there some other areas in your life where you have not been committed or have a fear of committing to? Ummmm no ( feeling pressed). But God kept speaking to my spirit with his gentle loving self by saying, why haven’t you opened your haircutting shop? Haven’t you Been praying about that for 10 years now? I answered yes. Next question, what about you getting in shape to be able to wear a 2piece for the first time. Do you eat and workout consistently? I answered no. Have you finished any of your books yet? I answered no. Tonya, I remember you saying that you were going to work on keeping the house spotless everyday even if your husband messed it right back up. Did that last? I answered no. Then I heard, in order for anything to become a success, you must stay committed no matter how hard it gets. By saying no to divorce and yes to your marriage, it will teach you commitment. Not just in marriage but in life. Your problem has never been afraid of failure or success. It has always been your lack of commitment. So today is the beginning ofyour new life and it starts by making the decision to commit to the no and yes of your marriage. By this time I’m in tears because of the revelation and conviction through the holy spirit. So, to my husband jae, today I am taking a stand for our marriage. I am saying no to divorce ( I’m sweating by the way) and yes to the ministry of our marriage. I love you.
Your committed wife
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Always start with freshly cleansed hair. I use the Giovanni shampoo and conditioner line. I purchase my shampoo and Conditioner at Vitamin Shoppe. It’s very inexpensive and i enjoy the natural benefits of this hair care line.
Whenever I condition my hair with Giovanni deep conditioner, I prefer to use a plastic cap and sit under my hair steamer. You guys…. the hair steamer is liiiiife!!! Our hair need so much moisture placed back in after shampooing. The hair steamer does just that to your hair. Sometimes, I steam my hair without any product in it as well. I will probably do a video on the hair steamer and let you see the difference. Usually, I’ll sit under the steamer for 20 minutes then I rinse my hair with cold water to close the cuticle layer of my hair ( less frizz).
After rinsing the conditioner out, I use a t-shirt to dry excess water from my tresses. The reason I use a t-shirt vs a towel is because using a towel create split ends and often help create frizz in the hair. Then I Applied Giovanni direct leave-in conditioner in my hair. Always use a leave in conditioner for natural hair. Trust me, You hair will thank you for it. Pay extra attention to the ends of your hair which tend to be the driest section of our hair. Oh! I use a paddle brush on my hair to comb and detangle the conditioner through. Please start at the ends of your hair first then work your up to the root. When your hair has been thoroughly detangled, its time to section your hair in 5 sections. You can section your hair in as many sections as you want, I just use 5. Grab you some olive oil eco styler gel and apply it to each section and finger comb it through your strands. Remember a section at a time. Then the very last step is to roll your hair in a spiral pattern with your perm rods of choice. I personally like the gray colored rods. It also depend on how big or small of a curl you would like to achieve.
Picture the way you want your hair to fall into the style your trying to achieve. In other words, rod your hair the way you would like your hair to fall when you remove your rods.
I allowed my hair to air dry. Once my hair was dry, I mist it with a little water in a spray bottle and booom!!!
#spirituality #love #meditation #spiritual #god #peace #wisdom #life #faith #soul #art #enlightenment #yoga #consciousness #inspiration #zen #nature #healing #mindfulness #quotes #awakening #religion #motivation #believe #spiritualawakening #goodvibes #energy #instagood #compassion #bhfyp
God speaks to us in many ways. One of those ways is through our mess aka Trials and tribulations. For instance, I use to struggle with trust in my marriage. It was the hardest thing for me because of what I had been through. I use to pray to god to change my husband, change the situation just change something. lol But something happend that I wasnt expecting. Instead of god changing my husband’s behavior, he switched it back to me. He asked me to look at my own behavior. I was like… Me??? As you can imagine, I was looking around the room like he has to be talking about someone else. Why should I look at myself? I havent done anything wrong. See, god loved me so much that he took the time to chastize me like a father does a child. Like he was saying, well yes I see what he did but can you look at this situation at a different angle and ask yourself was there anything that you could have done differently in this situation? (god) Do you make it easy to talk to you about things? (me) I guess, I dont. (god) Do you spend more time telling him what hes doing wrong than what he’s doing right? (me) yes. (god) are you just waiting for him to mess up so you can punish him for it? (me) yes. (god) are you very impatient with him? (me) yes (god) Do you get angry and unforgiven when he lies to you? ( Me: Now we are getting somewhere…Yes Yes I do. I hate liars!! (God)Have I been angry and unforgiven with you when you lie to me?(me) no ( with water filling my eyes) (god) well then, Is his sin any worst than your sin? after all sin is sin to me. It doesnt matter what kind it is. There is not a level scale when it comes to sin. Whether you steal or murder, its all on the same level to me. But my unconditonal love for you will forgive you for any sin. And that right there has opened my eyes to life. I realized that I am not a victim. I realize that I wasnt as perfect of a wife as I thought I was and I realized that I didnt love my husband unconditionally. I loved him but not his flaws. God loves me with my flaws. Sometimes the problems in your marriage or relationships with people is not always them. It actually could be you too. We can not change other people only ourselves. Lets take our mind off ourselves and put it on god. He will direct you the rest of the way.