Today, I want to talk about body image.
The definition of Body image is the perception that a person has of their physical self and the thoughts and feelings that result from that perception. These feelings can be positive, negative or both, and are influenced by individual and environmental factors.
Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way. I want you to look at my (UNEDITED) portrait 👇👇👇👇👇
Now, let me be completely transparent with you. When I first saw this picture, i hated it. And I refused to post it. I will tell you why. I hated it because it point out my imperfections back at me. It reminded me that my 2 pregnancies stretched my stomach to the max in my life. It shows the extra rolls on my side. And it shows the insecurity on my face because that was my focus while taking the picture.
How many of you can relate to the feelings and emotions of seeing a photo of yourself and immediately wanting to delete it?
Why is that?
Who told you that you were not beautiful with your rolls and stretch marks?
Who are you comparing yourself to?
Why have you been comparing yourself to others?
Who wrote the rules on whats perfect and whats not?
These are the same questions I had to ask my self and come up with answers. It caused me to do some deep soul searching. I realized those thoughts about myself were not healthy thoughts. They were self sabotaging and damaging self thoughts. I forced myself to look at this picture and point out beautiful things about what I disliked. I looked at my stretch marks and told myself those of the most beautiful marks on my body. Those marks was produced so that i could have this 👇👇👇👇
My 2 beautiful young gems💎
Then I went to my rolls or love handles. I couldn’t come up with anything lol so I said giiiiiiiiirrrrrrrrl its probably all kinds of muscle up under there lololol And thats another thing….laugh at yourself from time to time. Stop taking yourself so seriously. Feeling beautiful doesn’t start from the outside. It doesn’t start once you lose those extra pounds. NO!! It starts right where you all. Stretch marks with love handles with a side of extra cushion. Its not in everyone’s genetic makeup to be a size 2, 5, or a 10. Find the beauty in yourself right now then work on the physical improvements. Whoever you are, I think your imperfections are a beautiful part of you. Until next time…
I’m going to share with you all a personal moment in my life, when I didnt feel so pretty or good enough body wise. Being on social media and comparing myself to the people I saw on there. It was hard not seeing ppl on there that looked like myself. I became self conscious and it showed in my personality towards others. It was after I had my 2nd son. My weight refuse to go down. I didnt know how to deal with it or what to do to fix it. I had only one idea …..starve myself. Yes, I know some of you personal trainers out there probably cringed when you read that but hey I didnt know any better at the time and I really had no one to teach me differently. Starving myself seemed like it was working until my hair started falling out. Oh and I started getting a fever. And don’t get me started on the constant constipation, no energy and I even developed acid. reflux. On top of all of that yall, I ended up gaining more weight. I couldn’t understand what I was doing wrong. No eating = skinny …..right? WRONG !!!!!!
My body was refusing to let go of the food I was eating because it didn’t know when it would get its next meal. Starving myself was having the opposite effect on my body. WTH !!!!???
After a couple of years of this, I realized that I wasn’t helping myself but hurting myself. It wasn’t until I almost put myself into the hospital that I realized that the root of my problems was that I didn’t have any self love.. omg, I didn’t love myself. I didnt need to work on my weight, I needed to work on loving myself. Wow!! That hit me like a ton of bricks. So I shifted my thoughts from being over weight to how do I start loving myself. Which in return helped me to lose weight in the process. I started by researching ways to love yourself.
1st, was accept yourself just as you are, even if your not where you want to be. Now I must be honest, I knew this was going to be a hard one for me.
2nd, I had to stop comparing myself to others. So while I was going through this process, I took a break from social media for awhile.
3rd, I started walking. I used this time to give myself compliments the whole entire walk. Yep, sure did.
4th, I started carrying a gallon of water with me everywhwere i went. Omg water was soooo nasty to me at first but I saw how much water weight I was getting rid of so it started encouraging me to drink more of it.
5th, I stayed off of the scale. The break up was real. Sorry scale but we need to take break from each other for awhile.
6th, I started eating 5 small meals a day. High protein low carb meals.
After awhile of this, I could feel a change in my body and the way that I was feeling about myself.
I begin to realize that there was nothing wrong with my body. It was my mind that needed a diet. I also started to realize that I wasn’t the only one going through this body shame thing. Both men and women feel this way. After more research I realized young girls and boys are experiencing this shame at an early age at an alarming rate.
I knew I had to do something to help people overcome this feeling of self hate but how?
I didnt have the answer back then but when I started photography, I kept running into the same problem with my clients being afraid to do photoshoots because of their ” love handles, stretch marks, big butts, face, or because of their weigh gain as a whole. Thats when the light bulb went off. I noticed how beautiful and confident they felt after doing a boudoir shoot or something a little sexy. I enjoyed seeing the self love they found by looking at themselves in a way that they never did before. I decided that boudoir was a way for me to help, teach and give back all at the same time.
We are all beautiful. Everyone is not suppose to be skinny. Some of us are suppose to be voluptuous queens And teddy bear kings. Who doesn’t still love their favorite teddy bear? Stop being hard on yourselves and show more love and admiration. C’mon look at yourself in the mirror, blow a kiss at yourself and own that shit….
1. YOU’LL LOOK A-MAZ-ING!!
You’ve heard the words “Boudoir photoshoot” right?, but what exactly is a boudoir photography photoshoot? And why Should you get one done? A boudoir session is a photography session where you wear sexy outfits, lingerie, dresses, and get your photographs taken. While these sessions can seem intimidating here are the top four reasons why you SHOULD do a boudoir session!
Professional makeup, a professional photographer, and professional retouching equals some of the best portraits of yourself that you’ve ever laid your eyes on. It doesn’t matter what size you are either. Waiting to lose those “Last 5, 10, 15, or 50 pounds”? DON’T! Professional photographers know how to pose you to flatter your individual body type.
IT MAKES A GREAT GIFT FOR YOURSELF.
Step out of your comfort zone.. Embrace yourself. Be proud of your journey.. Show off your beauty and give yourself an esteem boost with photographs that you can treasure. Do it for yourself. Be pampered. Indulge. Love every minute!
IT WILL BOOST YOUR SELF CONFIDENCE.
Getting treated like a celebrity for a few hours is great therapy for anyone! But wait until you get to see the photographs for the first time. You will be blown away. You will see how gorgeous you really are and it will put a little swagg in your bag!
MAKE IT A GIRL’S DAY OUT!
Nervous to come in for a session by yourself? GREAT!!!! Make it a girl’s day out! Choose a few of your BFF’s and do a session together! Boudoir photographers offer special girl’s day out collections that include a day of pampering, food, wine, and each lady getting her time in front of the camera!
Remember that you can wear whatever makes you feel sexy and confident; a boudoir session is all about you! When choosing a photographer, look for photographers that specialize in boudoir for the ultimate experience. Think about how you want to be photographed. Don’t put it off, now is the time to indulge yourself!
Check out my website
My motto is… once in awhile, take your own breath away 😍
Do you #love yourself? Like really love yourself? If your answer is yes. Let me stop in my tracks and say #congratulations. Its such a beautiful inner feeling. Many people unfortunately never experience that feeling. I realize that now more than ever. Shit, I use to be that person who didn’t love myself as strongly as I should . For some, it began as a child.. With other’s it happend through life’s experiences. Some of us,both male and female are not taught how to love ourselves by our parents or in school. We had to learn these lessons on our own #life #journey. This is the reason why I love doing photography. #Photography is a great self esteem booster. In my line of work, I meet alot of people who are dealing with self image issues, low self esteem, and body shame just to name a few. I like to capture the parts of you that you love about yourself. Both men and women have the same issues about themselves. Some clients like only their eyes. So I capture their eyes in a photograph that they love. Building self esteem has to start somewhere. My hope is to build off the parts of themselves that they love and work our way up to full self love. Seeing yourself in a beautiful light does wonders for a person. I always say, everyone has a story. I just want to be the one who is blessed to share it through my photography.
I am based out of #Columbus #Georgia. I would love to start traveling doing #selfesteem building and #boudoir photoshoots . If your ever in need of a #photoshoot feel free to contact me http://www.tonyadeshawnphotography.com FB: Tonya deshawn IG: TonyaDeshawn
Here’s my latest photoshoot……enjoy😉
My name hov!!! Ohhh!!! H to the ov.. Lol
Ok. Ok. Enough of that before I get hyped and start doing some of my best moves ever..
My name is Tonya Deshawn. I live in Columbus Georgia. Its an hour and a half from Atlanta Georgia. I was raised in Brooklyn New York, Brownsville to be exact. A few years ago, I decided to learn the art of photography. I take that back, I didnt decide, it was decided for me lol ( thanks hubby). My husband decided to buy a camera and hand it to me to take his pictures for a video shoot. At that moment, I had no idea what I was doing but after an hour or so, one would have thought I was a pro by the way I was snapping. Which reminds me to tell you, always be open minded how your gifts and talents introduce themselves to you. Sometimes, it happens in the strangest most unexpected ways. Just be open to try new things. Anyways, I decided to go to photography school for 5 months and become certified in Digital photography because I immediately fell in love with it. I started doing photoshoots and getting really good feedback. In March 2020, I decided to rent a small space and launch my very first photography studio all while shaking in my boots might I add. Lol It was a very proud moment for me because for the 1st time in awhile, I didnt allow fear to discouraged me. If you’d like, feel free to check out my portfolio on my website, FB & IG http://www.tonyadeshawnphotography.com
What kind of photography do I take? Boudoir Photography, Engagements, Headshots, Lifestyle, Business, Party Events, and street photography.
Eventually, I will travel all over, only specializing in Boudoir Photography like this.
JustGoShoot #InstaGood #InstaPhoto #PicOfTheDay #PhotoOfTheDay #Photogram #Capture #Photography #Camera #Composition #Photoshop #Instadaily #Igers #birthdayparty #HDR #HDRspotters #Instafocus #IGworldclub #Visuals #Aesthetics #ThroughTheLens #Snapshot #Exposure #Moment
I was asked to be the photographer at a young ladies 40th birthday party this month. It was an old school disco themed party. When I was asked, I jumped at the opportunity to experience adding the title event photographer to my portfolio. I was actually nervous and super excited at the same time. I was determined to get perfect shots. I am a very professional person so I made sure that I arrived 30 mins early to the event, I took pictures non stop, i made sure to turn my phone on silent, I didn’t eat or drink anything at the party and to think of it, I never took a bathroom break. The birthday girl gave me a time line that she wanted me to follow and gave me a list of pictures that she wanted me to take. I made sure to preset my smart watch to vibrate every time i needed to move on to the next thing on my list. My favorite pictures on that list were the candid shots. You know, the ones where they’re not paying much attention to you. I loved catching them in their natural element laughing, talking, slapping high 5’s, dancing or even taken selfies. I actually gained alot of knowledge that night and by stepping outside of my comfort zone, I taught myself a very valuable lesson….. Always Follow your butterflies.
Here are a few pics from the party
#relationshiprepair #personaldevelopment #relationships #love #successquote #listening #communication #marriagematters #marriage #couplesgoals #nosex #sexless #couplestherapy #lifecoach #selfdevelopment #counseling #counselling #averyaffirmations #averycounselling #langleybc #fortlangley #relationshipmaintenance #breakingbarriers #discernment #ishope #course #mindfulness #surreybc #techniques #deadbedroom
In general, Everyone has sexual needs. Am I right? Whether your single,in a relationship or married.
When in a committed relationship, you are restricted from satisfying those needs outside of the relationship. (Supposedly)
But what if your partner has no obligation to satisfy these needs for you within the relationship?
How do you handle that situation?
I was sitting in a restaurant one day eating by myself and i overheard a conversation with 5 ladies and 3 guys talking about their sexless marriages. To my surprise, it was the women who wanted sex more in the marriage. And it was the husbands who refused to give it up. That blew my mind. I always thought guys were the horny macoroni’s. The conversation had my full nosey attention. As i continued to pretend to be into my salad, i overheard one lady explain in frustration that it’s not merely the act of sex. She said, What I’m missing is being desired, having the intimacy and spontaneity that we had before. Breathing in each other’s air, cuddling up, caressing each other while watching tv, him kissing my shoulders or love tapping my derriere as I walk by, all of it. I miss the Secret glances, the anticipation. Where did it go and do I have to go the rest of my life without it? This is not the relationship that I was “promised” when we were married . The longer, I go without, the more I feel the attraction towards him leaving me. It is, in fact, a betrayal on his behalf. She finished her story in tears of frustration.
While everyone consoled her by rubbing her back and handing her tissues, I heard another lady began speaking.
By this time, I’m all in the conversation.
She blurted out. It’s been three and a half months since we have been together sexually and I’m starting to consider other alternatives. I started chewing my salad slow because i was afraid if i continued to chew fast, the crunching noise would become too loud for me to hear the juicy story i was listening to across the table. She continued. This isn’t what I signed up for, but the phrase for better or worse still means something to me. If we can’t improve things I’m afraid I’ll be someone who will cheat, and that isn’t who I want to be.
One of the guys butted in and said listen, I understand 100%.
Two wrongs don’t make a right, but the hole created lends to so many other problems such blocks in communciation, unconscious distancing, wandering eyes and the desire for the intimate touch even if it’s from another person/lover. It’s a terrible place in an otherwise very happy marriage.
some of the others commenting said they felt justified in cheating. But while that solves their problem temporarily, it creates its own new problems. In which they all shook their heads in agreement. Eventually they all had a chance to express their deepest feelings and were preparing to leave. After they left the restaurant, I sat there pondering over what id just overheard. I also realized that they all left with no resolve in sight. It has to be such an awful feeling to be married to someone that you love and crave sexually and them not crave you just as much. It has to feel like torture. Especially, If medical issues have been ruled out and your spouse won’t make any effort to help bring desire and sex back into the marriage when you lovingly and honestly express your needs, well, that’s telling you a lot.
What are your feelings on this subject? Cheat,divorce or suffer?