Today, I want to talk about body image.

The definition of Body image is the perception that a person has of their physical self and the thoughts and feelings that result from that perception. These feelings can be positive, negative or both, and are influenced by individual and environmental factors.

Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way. I want you to look at my (UNEDITED)  portrait 👇👇👇👇👇

Now, let me be completely  transparent with you.  When I first saw this picture, i hated it. And I refused to post it. I will  tell you why. I hated it because it point out my imperfections back at me. It reminded me that my 2 pregnancies stretched my stomach to the max in my life. It shows the extra rolls on my side. And it shows the insecurity on my face because that was my focus while taking the picture.

How many of you can relate to the feelings and emotions of seeing a photo of yourself and immediately  wanting to delete it?

Why is that?

Who told you that you were not beautiful with your rolls and stretch marks?

Who are you comparing yourself to?
Why have you been comparing yourself to others?

Who wrote the rules on whats perfect and whats not?

These are the same questions I had to ask my self and come up with answers.  It caused me to do some deep soul searching. I realized those thoughts about myself were not healthy thoughts.  They were self sabotaging and  damaging self thoughts.   I forced myself to look at this picture and point out beautiful things about what I disliked.  I looked at my stretch marks and told myself those of the most beautiful  marks on my body. Those marks was produced so that i could have this 👇👇👇👇

Aaaaaand

My 2 beautiful young gems💎


Then I went to my rolls or love handles. I couldn’t come up with anything lol so I said giiiiiiiiirrrrrrrrl  its probably all kinds of muscle up under there lololol And thats another thing….laugh at yourself from time to time. Stop taking yourself so seriously.   Feeling beautiful  doesn’t start from the outside. It doesn’t start once you lose those extra pounds. NO!! It starts right where you all. Stretch marks with love handles with a side of extra cushion.  Its not in everyone’s genetic makeup to be a size 2, 5, or a 10. Find the beauty in yourself right now then work on the physical improvements.  Whoever you are, I think your imperfections are a beautiful part of you.  Until next time…


I finally got my nose pierced and I’m glad I did it. Before you look at this video, just know that I was afraid lolol. I do not like anything that resembles a needle. It might as well have been a sword going through my nose. Lol. I honestly think I reverted back to a 3rd grader while getting this piercing. But enough of that. You’ll get the picture when you watch the video


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  I was asked to be the photographer at a young ladies 40th birthday party this month.  It was an old school  disco themed party.  When I was asked,  I jumped at the opportunity to experience adding the title event photographer to my portfolio.  I was actually nervous and super excited at the same time.  I was determined to get perfect shots.  I am a very professional person so I made sure that I arrived 30 mins early to the event,  I took pictures non stop,  i made sure to turn my phone on silent, I didn’t eat or drink anything at the party and to think of it,  I never took a bathroom break. The birthday girl gave me a time line that she wanted me to follow and gave me a list of pictures that she wanted me to take.  I made sure to preset my smart watch to vibrate every time i needed to move on to the next thing on my list.  My favorite pictures on that list were the candid shots.  You know,  the ones where they’re not paying much attention to you.  I loved catching them in their natural element laughing, talking,  slapping high 5’s,  dancing or even  taken selfies.  I actually gained alot of knowledge that night and by stepping outside of my comfort zone,  I taught myself a very valuable lesson….. Always Follow your butterflies.   


Here are a few pics from the party


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Have you ever heard of bentonite clay before?

Well, you may be very surprised to hear that individuals in various cultures refer to it as a “healing clay” that detox the body and hair.

In fact, many people enjoy bentonite clay benefits by using it externally on the skin. You can feel the tightening effect on your face and body but im going to talk to you about detoxing your hair using a bentonite clay mask using just 3 ingredients (bentonite powder, apple cider vinegar and coconut oil)

First, let me tell you a little about it. What is bentonite clay? It’s actually composed of ash made from volcanos. The largest known source of bentonite clay is found in Fort Benton, Wyoming, where numerous volcanos are present.

Bentonite Clay

 

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Incredibly powerful, possessing a negative charge (anionic). This makes it an ideal clay for cleansing and detoxifying, as it has the ability to remove positively charged (cationic) conditioners and products that can build up on the hair and scalp. It is also said to have the ability to draw out toxins, heavy metals, chemicals, and impurities. It helps cleanse and lift impurities from the hair, aiding in conditioning, shine, softness, and definition.

Apple cider Vingear

 

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Serves as an antimicrobial agent (warding off infection), and helps ease the itching and flakiness associated with scalp conditions such as dandruff, psoriasis, and seborrheic dermatitis. ACV is also able to improve the shininess of hair and increase moisture retention by causing cuticles to lay flat via pH balancing the hair. Through this same mechanism, it is also believe that Apple Cider Vinegar can correct hair porosity issues.

Coconut Oil

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Oil with a high saturated fat content, rich in vitamins and nutrients beneficial to the hair. Due to its low molecular weight, coconut is one of the few oils proven to actually penetrate the hair shaft. It protects and coats the hair, and prevents protein loss.
DIY clay mask has forever changed my natural life. Because It hydrates, moisturizes, de-frizzes, softens, shine and reshape your curl pattern. I needed a detox because I was experiencing dryness and my curls needed some attention.
What You’ll Need:
a plastic or glass bowl (never use anything metal)
a plastic, wooden, or rubber stirring utensil

1/2 cup (or 4oz) of bentonite clay

2 tablespoon of coconut oil but I use more
6 tablespoons of apple cider vinegar (unfiltered)

Directions
Add the clay first, then the oils, in your mixing bowl. You can begin stirring if you like, or leave it all until the very end (I prefer to stir after everything is all in). Next, add your 6 tablespoons of apple cider vinegar. Allow it to foam for 10-15 seconds before adding in the coconut oil. The reaction between the clay and apple cider vinegar is essential to avoiding a lumpy mix.
Stir everything together until you have a smooth mixture that is roughly the consistency of yogurt.

It should look like this after all the ingredients are mixed together

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Apply the mask to clean, damp or wet hair from root to end with your fingers. I advise the use of plastic gloves because it will get pretty messy.
To ensure even coverage, work in small sections. If your hair begins to dry while applying the mask, keep a spray bottle nearby to spritz and keep the hair damp, but not dripping wet. After you’ve completely coated your hair with the mask, cover it with a plastic cap for 20-30 minutes, sometimes longer. You can use a hooded dryer or steamer for extra penetration, or just let the heat from your head do all the work.
When you’re ready to rinse, I highly recommend hopping in the shower. It will be incredibly difficult to get the clay out under the power of a sink faucet alone.

follow up with a conditioner of choice. I personally like giovanni deep conditioner. Rake it through your hair from ends to root, and let it sit for about 5 minutes then rinse.

Your end result will be hydrated, ultra-moisturized, soft, frizz-free, uber-defined hair.

Try it and let me know how amazing your hair look and feels.

Thank me later.

Yours truly,
Tonya deshawn

How to know if you really have a good man




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How to know if you really have a good man. 


I will never forget what my first husband told me when I  asked him,  why did he cheat on me.  


His response was simple… 


His answer:   Because,  you let me. 


 Well quite naturally it doesn’t take  rocket 🚀 science to tell you that anybody who cheats on you,  is NOT a good man/ woman for you.  To me, that goes without saying because if he loves you,   truly loves you,   he will do everything in his power,  never to put you in any negative situation involving another woman. No ifs ands or buts about it. 

We can all agree that social media is of the Devil!! Lol 😆. Its so easy to cheat and communicate with other women.  So,  how to know when you’ve found a good man?  Thats an easy answer.  By his actions.  How does he treat you?  Be honest.  How does he make you feel?  What vibes do your family 👪 and friends get from him?  Does he make you feel protected?  When your in a situation where your  treated unfairly or disrespected,  does he immediately take your side and straighten it out ? Or does he remain quiet and say nothing at all.  In other words,  does he support you and have your back at all times even if it involves his family and friends? 

To Beautiful blended families

 In this day and age,  there is a strong possibility that you may find yourself in a situation where he may already have kids.  And don’t get me wrong,  theres absolutely nothing wrong with that.  My question  is how comfortable does he make you feel in that situation?  Does he make sure that the kids mother respect your role in his kids life?  Is he showing the utmost respect to you in  his co parenting relationship with his kids mother?   Does he allow you room to develop your own relationship with his kids or does he make you feel like your role is not as important in his kids life?  If you find yourself in this situation,  these questions are very important to know the answers to.   Having blended families these days are very common.  So being in a relationship or marriage can become resentful or dreadful if its not a mutual understanding between all partipating parties involved.   We hear horror stories about baby 👶 mama drama or baby 👶 daddy drama. The ex-wife or baby mama should never be allowed to feel she is more important than you. That can cause so many other disrespectful problems but   Thats another story in itself lol  but it all can be avoided if  it is  communicated and understood early on in your relationship.  

Also,  I must ask this question  because this may be the most important of them all..  And that question is how much do you love yourself?  I’ll tell you why I think this is the most important question.  Ive learned that men are very smart.  (Close your mouths ladies,  its true)   They pay attention to more than we as women realize.  Men may not always know what they want in a woman 👩 but I promise you,  they definitely know what they Do Not  want in a woman. A man pays attention to your actions more than you think.  They pay attention to how you carry yourself,  how you act in public, the clothes you wear, what kind of mother you are to your kids, how fast you allow them to meet your kids,  how often your in the streets, how fast you give up the vajayjay,  how good you  are with money, whether or not you can hold an intellectual conversation, whether or not he wants you to meet his mother and most of all,  they pay attention to how you as a woman ALLOW them to treat you and what you allow them to get away with.   They test you without you knowing it. They  will never tell you those things because men allow you to show them who you really are and from the information  that they receive from you ladies,  they’ll treat you accordingly. So loving and respecting yourself is just as important as knowing if you have a good man. Teach a man how to love and be the right man  to you by loving and being the right one  to yourself.    



Thank you for reading and would love to hear your comments below. Oh ! don’t forget to “like” and follow my blog 


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Always start with freshly cleansed hair. I use the Giovanni shampoo and conditioner line. I purchase my shampoo and Conditioner at Vitamin Shoppe. It’s very inexpensive and i enjoy the natural benefits of this hair care line.

Whenever I condition my hair with Giovanni deep conditioner, I prefer to use a plastic cap and sit under my hair steamer. You guys…. the hair steamer is liiiiife!!!  Our hair need so much moisture placed back in after shampooing. The hair steamer does just that to your hair. Sometimes, I steam my hair without any product in it as well.  I will probably do a video on the hair steamer and let you see the difference.  Usually, I’ll sit under the steamer for 20 minutes then I rinse my hair with cold water to close the cuticle layer of my hair ( less frizz).

After rinsing the conditioner out, I use a t-shirt to dry excess water from my tresses. The reason I use a t-shirt vs a towel is because using a towel create split ends and often help create frizz in the hair.  Then I Applied Giovanni direct leave-in conditioner in my hair. Always use a leave in conditioner for natural hair. Trust me, You hair will thank you for it. Pay extra attention to the ends of your hair which tend to be the driest section of our hair.  Oh! I use a paddle brush on my hair  to comb and detangle the conditioner through. Please start at the ends of your hair  first then work your up to the root. When your hair has been thoroughly detangled, its time to section your hair in 5 sections. You can section your hair in as many sections as you want, I just use 5.  Grab you some olive oil eco styler gel and apply it to each section and finger comb it through your strands. Remember a section at a time. Then the very last step is to roll  your hair in a spiral pattern with your perm rods of choice. I personally like the gray colored rods.  It also depend on how big or small of a curl you would like to achieve.

Picture the way you want your hair to fall into the style your trying to achieve. In other words, rod your hair the way you would like your hair to fall when you remove your rods.

I allowed my hair to air dry. Once my hair was dry, I mist it with a little water in a spray bottle and booom!!!


What is a  Vision Board ?

A vision board is a tool used to help clarify, concentrate and maintain focus on a specific life goal. Literally, a vision board is any sort of board on which you display images that represent whatever you want to be, do or have in your life. In our ultra-digital age, you can also create vision boards to display on your computer screen and mobile devices.

What is the point? Simply put, we tend to be a very busy species and constantly bombarded by distractions. Making use of vision boards serves several purposes, some of which include helping you to:

  • Identify your vision and give it clarity.
  • Reinforce your daily affirmations.
  • Keep your attention on your intentions.
  • Vision Boards Help Provide Clarity

For example, to say “I want a better life” is a fine goal, but have you given serious thought to exactly what that means? Try to envision what your “better life” looks like. For those of us who find that somewhat difficult, making a vision board can be a tremendous help. In order to create my vision board, I must actively seek images that represent specific details of my wonderful new life. That means narrowing it down to specifics. For some, a better life might mean having a new car or home. Others may be seeking a new relationship or improvements in existing relationships. Doubtless you have heard it said that most of us never get what we want because we don’t know what we want. Making a vision board is a wonderful way to bring clarity to that general desire and turn it into an achievable goal.

Use a Vision Board for Your Daily Affirmations

I have high self esteem
I love and respect myself
I am a great person
I respect myself deeply
My thoughts and opinions are valuable
I am confident that I can achieve anything
I have something special to offer the world
Others like and respect me

These are some examples of a vision board.

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vision board pic 1

vision board 1

vision board 2

vision board 3

So, since you now know what a vision looks like……

..vision board  3 I would love to post your vision board on my blog.

 

 

 

 

SEX…. Is it more of a chore or enjoyment?


This is another open forum for the ladies and gentlemen…

Question: Is sex more of a chore in a marriage/relationship or enjoyment?

I know some people can relate to  both sides. You hear about people being in relationship for a couple of years and lose the sexual enjoyment. Instead it become more of a chore. Something you do out of an obligation. If you didn’t have to do it you wouldn’t.

Quick scenario: chick gets ready for bed in a head scarf, sweat pants, big t-shirt with one sock on and the other one off. Boyfriend/ husband/fiancé, scratching his butt real hard, farts, look at his chic like she did it then yanks his boxers out of his crack just before getting under the covers. The chic has all kind of names going through her head that she wants to call him but instead both of them turn their backs to each other until……… he turns around and press it against her butt and then she has 2 seconds to come up with a good fake snore, get a fast head ache or take a deep breath and give in hoping it will be over soon.

My question is where does things go wrong? and why?  There are no right or wrong opinions.  I

I feel that sex is very important in  a relationship.  It’s where 2 people get a chance to connect on a spiritual level with their soul mate. It relieves stress, it makes your bond closer. It’s enjoyment for me… what about you?

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