I’m going to share with you all a personal moment in my life, when I didnt feel so pretty or good enough body wise. Being on social media and comparing myself to the people I saw on there. It was hard not seeing ppl on there that looked like myself.  I became self conscious and it showed in my personality towards others. It was after I had my 2nd son. My weight refuse to go down.  I didnt know how to deal with it or what to do to fix it. I had only one idea …..starve myself.  Yes, I know some of you personal trainers out there probably cringed when you read that but hey I didnt know any better at the time and I really had no one to teach me differently.  Starving myself seemed like it was working until my hair started falling out. Oh and I started getting a fever. And don’t get me started on the constant constipation, no energy and I even developed acid.  reflux. On top of all of that yall, I ended up gaining more weight. I couldn’t understand what I was doing wrong.  No eating = skinny …..right?     WRONG !!!!!!


My body was refusing to let go of the food I was eating because it didn’t know when it would get its next meal. Starving myself was having the opposite effect on my body. WTH !!!!???

After a couple of years of this, I realized that I wasn’t helping myself but hurting myself.  It wasn’t until I almost put myself into the hospital that I realized that the root of my problems was that I didn’t have any self love..  omg, I didn’t love myself. I didnt need to work on my weight, I needed to work on loving myself. Wow!! That hit me like a ton of bricks. So I shifted my thoughts from being over weight to how do I start loving myself. Which in return helped me to lose weight in the process. I started by researching ways to love yourself.

1st, was accept yourself just as you are, even if your not where you want to be. Now I must be honest, I knew this was going to be a hard one for me.

2nd, I had to stop comparing myself to others. So while I was going through this process, I took a break from social media for awhile.

3rd, I started walking. I used this time to give myself compliments the whole entire walk.  Yep, sure did.

4th, I started carrying a gallon of water with me everywhwere i went.   Omg water was soooo nasty to me at first but I saw how much water weight I was getting rid of so it started encouraging me to drink more of it.

5th, I stayed off of the scale. The break up was real. Sorry scale but we need to take break from each other for awhile.

6th, I started eating 5 small meals a day. High protein low carb meals.

After awhile of this, I could feel a change in my body and the way that I was feeling about myself.

I begin to realize that there was nothing wrong with my body. It was my mind that needed a diet.  I also started to realize that I wasn’t the only one going through this body shame thing. Both men and women feel this way. After more research I realized young girls and boys are experiencing this shame at an early age at an alarming rate. 

I knew I had to do something to help people  overcome this feeling of self hate but how?

I didnt have the answer back then but when I started photography, I kept running into the same problem with my clients being afraid to do photoshoots because of their ” love handles, stretch marks, big butts,  face, or because of their weigh gain as a whole.  Thats when the light bulb ï’¡ went off.  I noticed how beautiful and confident they felt after doing a boudoir shoot or something a little sexy.  I enjoyed seeing the self love they found by looking at themselves in a way that they never did before.   I decided that boudoir was a way for me to help, teach and give back all at the same time. 

We are all beautiful. Everyone is not suppose to be skinny.  Some of us are suppose to be voluptuous queens And teddy bear kings. Who doesn’t still love their favorite teddy bear?  Stop being hard on yourselves and show more love and admiration.  C’mon look at yourself in the mirror, blow a kiss at yourself and own that shit….


Do you #love yourself? Like really love yourself? If your answer is yes. Let me stop in my tracks and say #congratulations. Its such a beautiful inner feeling. Many people unfortunately never experience that feeling. I realize that now more than ever. Shit, I use to be that person who didn’t love myself as strongly as I should . For some, it began as a child.. With other’s it happend through life’s experiences. Some of us,both male and female are not taught how to love ourselves by our parents or in school. We had to learn these lessons on our own #life #journey. This is the reason why I love doing photography. #Photography is a great self esteem booster. In my line of work, I meet alot of people who are dealing with self image issues, low self esteem, and body shame just to name a few. I like to capture the parts of you that you love about yourself. Both men and women have the same issues about themselves. Some clients like only their eyes. So I capture their eyes in a photograph that they love. Building self esteem has to start somewhere. My hope is to build off the parts of themselves that they love and work our way up to full self love. Seeing yourself in a beautiful light does wonders for a person. I always say, everyone has a story. I just want to be the one who is blessed to share it through my photography.

I am based out of #Columbus #Georgia. I would love to start traveling doing #selfesteem building and #boudoir photoshoots . If your ever in need of a #photoshoot feel free to contact me http://www.tonyadeshawnphotography.com FB: Tonya deshawn IG: TonyaDeshawn

Here’s my latest photoshoot……enjoy😉


#lifetime, #rkelly #victims, #rnb,#music, #captionthis, #hiphopnews,  #aaliyah 

Part 2 of surviving R Kelly had me almost speechless. It had me staring into space. In my first post on the subject, I touched on how I felt about all the victims involved including the younger victimized  Robert Kelly. After watching the 2nd part of the show, I was left with an upset stomach.  I couldn’t understand why this girl still wanted to be in his world after seeing for herself what he was being charge for at the courthouse.   


The first thing to come to mind is this man is a malignant Narcissist.  


What is narcissistic personality disorder?


It is  someone who seems excessively vain or full of themselves.  Narcissism doesn’t mean self-love—at least not of a genuine love.  It’s more accurate to say that people with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) are in love with an idealized, grandiose image of themselves. And they’re in love with this inflated self-image because it allows them to avoid deep feelings of insecurity. 


Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) involves a pattern of self-centered, arrogant thinking and behavior, a lack of empathy and consideration for other people, and an excessive need for admiration. Others often describe people with NPD as cocky, manipulative, selfish, patronizing, and demanding. This way of thinking and behaving surfaces in every area of the narcissist’s life: from work and friendships to family and love relationships.

People with narcissistic personality disorder are extremely resistant to changing their behavior, even when it’s causing them problems. Their tendency is to turn the blame on to others. What’s more, they are extremely sensitive and react badly to even the slightest criticisms, disagreements, or perceived slights, which they view as personal attacks. For the people in the narcissist’s life, it’s often easier just to go along with their demands to avoid the coldness and rages.People with narcissistic personality disorder frequently mistreat, manipulate, or abuse people that are close to them to get what they want. They see nothing wrong with doing so, since they always put themselves first and do not consider the needs of others to be as important as their own. Malignant narcissists have enough polish and charisma to cover their real motivations on most occasions. When their true nature is finally exposed, family members and friends are often shocked and bewildered by what they discover.

Malignant narcissists frequently cause great emotional or physical harm to others, to the point where they may be labeled sociopaths or psychopaths. But ultimately narcissism is their real problem, and without therapeutic intervention their malicious behavior may continue indefinitely. Does any of this sound familiar to you?  


My heart goes out to his wife Andrea.

The emotional turmoil that she endured is unimaginable.  Sure, she can sit down and talk and try her best to explain it but there are no words. We’ve all been hurt and cheated on before and can relate to the hurt deep in our heart that is indescribable, Right? Well what we went through was nothing compared to the kind of hurt she felt. To this day, you can still see that she is potentially scarred for life. 
 For the 2nd night, I’m sending love and healing to the victims.


Stay tuned until part 3 tomorrow guys..

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When God speaks,  do you listen?  What is he saying to you?


#spirituality #love #meditation #spiritual #god #peace #wisdom #life #faith #soul #art #enlightenment #yoga #consciousness #inspiration #zen #nature #healing #mindfulness #quotes #awakening #religion #motivation #believe #spiritualawakening #goodvibes #energy #instagood #compassion #bhfyp

God speaks to us in many ways. One of those ways is through our mess aka Trials and tribulations. For instance, I use to struggle with trust in my marriage. It was the hardest thing for me because of what I had been through. I use to pray to god to change my husband, change the situation just change something. lol But something happend that I wasnt expecting. Instead of god changing my husband’s behavior, he switched it back to me. He asked me to look at my own behavior. I was like… Me??? As you can imagine, I was looking around the room like he has to be talking about someone else. Why should I look at myself? I havent done anything wrong. See, god loved me so much that he took the time to chastize me like a father does a child. Like he was saying, well yes I see what he did but can you look at this situation at a different angle and ask yourself was there anything that you could have done differently in this situation? (god) Do you make it easy to talk to you about things? (me) I guess, I dont. (god) Do you spend more time telling him what hes doing wrong than what he’s doing right? (me) yes. (god) are you just waiting for him to mess up so you can punish him for it? (me) yes. (god) are you very impatient with him? (me) yes (god) Do you get angry and unforgiven when he lies to you? ( Me: Now we are getting somewhere…Yes Yes I do. I hate liars!! (God)Have I been angry and unforgiven with you when you lie to me?(me) no ( with water filling my eyes) (god) well then, Is his sin any worst than your sin? after all sin is sin to me. It doesnt matter what kind it is. There is not a level scale when it comes to sin. Whether you steal or murder, its all on the same level to me. But my unconditonal love for you will forgive you for any sin. And that right there has opened my eyes to life. I realized that I am not a victim. I realize that I wasnt as perfect of a wife as I thought I was and I realized that I didnt love my husband unconditionally. I loved him but not his flaws. God loves me with my flaws. Sometimes the problems in your marriage or relationships with people is not always them. It actually could be you too. We can not change other people only ourselves. Lets take our mind off ourselves and put it on god. He will direct you the rest of the way.

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