Tag Archive | bloggerscloset

What the hell is “fear” anyways?



Do you really know?

Lets take a moment to think about it in a deeper sense.

So you want to start a business right? But you haven’t because of “fear”. Can you physically see fear? Can you physically touch it? Does it have a smell? A taste? Can you hear it? Those are all 5 of our senses yet, we are unable to use these senses to describe what fear is.   Which is why I ask the question. What the hell is “fear”? To me the word “fear” represents a symbol. What is a symbol? Something that represents something else – in essence. The word symbolic is defined as : “The practice of representing things by means of significance to objects, events or relationships. ” what I mean by this is when you make it up in your mind that you want to start a business then the symbolism of fear start to show up, ask yourself why is fear showing up whenever I think of starting a business. Start digging deep into your psyche. Ask yourself what part of starting a business am I most fearful 😨 of? Lets say, your answer was the financial part of the business is what makes you think of fear. Ok. Now we are getting somewhere. Lets tackle the business issue. You can take business classes, financial classes, or you can hire someone in that field to handle the aspect of the business for you. Pay close attention to the way they do it and slowly learn it for yourself. Have you ever heard someone talking about ants or mosquitos crawling or saw alot of damn ants on tv and you started scratching your own arm or slapping your neck like it was actually crawling on you? Or remember when you were younger, imagining that your bed was some kind of boat and you were “afraid 😨” to put your feet on the floor because we were somehow convinced that it was water full of sharks and they would bite our feet off. Remember that, you damn pyschos!!! Smh lol 😆 Listen linda. Linda linda linda , listen. The moral to this story is “fear” is a pretend emotion.  Lol Get out your own heads and do the work to start that damn business.

P.s. Would you do me a favor? Like, comment, follow and share this post. Mmmmmuuuuuaaaahhh😘

Sexless marriages, should you cheat, get a divorce or suffer?


In general, Everyone has sexual needs. Am I right? Whether your single,in a relationship or married.

When in a committed relationship, you are restricted from satisfying those needs outside of the relationship. (Supposedly)
But what if your partner has no obligation to satisfy these needs for you within the relationship?
How do you handle that situation?

I was sitting in a restaurant one day eating by myself and i overheard a conversation with 5 ladies and 3 guys talking about their sexless marriages. To my surprise, it was the women who wanted sex more in the marriage. And it was the husbands who refused to give it up. That blew my mind. I always thought guys were the horny macoroni’s. The conversation had my full nosey attention. As i continued to pretend to be into my salad, i overheard one lady explain in frustration that it’s not merely the act of sex. She said, What I’m missing is being desired, having the intimacy and spontaneity that we had before. Breathing in each other’s air, cuddling up, caressing each other while watching tv, him kissing my shoulders or love tapping my derriere as I walk by, all of it. I miss the Secret glances, the anticipation. Where did it go and do I have to go the rest of my life without it? This is not the relationship that I was “promised” when we were married . The longer, I go without, the more I feel the attraction towards him leaving me. It is, in fact, a betrayal on his behalf. She finished her story in tears of frustration.

While everyone consoled her by rubbing her back and handing her tissues, I heard another lady began speaking.
By this time, I’m all in the conversation.

She blurted out. It’s been three and a half months since we have been together sexually and I’m starting to consider other alternatives. I started chewing my salad slow because i was afraid if i continued to chew fast, the crunching noise would become too loud for me to hear the juicy story i was listening to across the table. She continued. This isn’t what I signed up for, but the phrase for better or worse still means something to me. If we can’t improve things I’m afraid I’ll be someone who will cheat, and that isn’t who I want to be.

One of the guys butted in and said listen, I understand 100%.
Two wrongs don’t make a right, but the hole created lends to so many other problems such blocks in communciation, unconscious distancing, wandering eyes and the desire for the intimate touch even if it’s from another person/lover. It’s a terrible place in an otherwise very happy marriage.

some of the others commenting said they felt justified in cheating. But while that solves their problem temporarily, it creates its own new problems. In which they all shook their heads in agreement. Eventually they all had a chance to express their deepest feelings and were preparing to leave. After they left the restaurant, I sat there pondering over what id just overheard. I also realized that they all left with no resolve in sight. It has to be such an awful feeling to be married to someone that you love and crave sexually and them not crave you just as much. It has to feel like torture. Especially, If medical issues have been ruled out and your spouse won’t make any effort to help bring desire and sex back into the marriage when you lovingly and honestly express your needs, well, that’s telling you a lot.

In conclusion, Im curious.

What are your feelings on this subject? Cheat,divorce or suffer?

I love ❤ Headwraps!! 


Do you enjoy headwraps as much as I do?

Why do I love ❤ them so?  Im glad you asked.  I am a very artistic person.  I love ❤ reinventing myself.  Headwraps are one way to do it.  Its fashionable,  pretty and lets not talk about how it helps you on those days that your hair refuse to behave.  If you wear a headwrap the right way with some high heels and jeans……… oh girl!!!!!!  Talking about stopping traffic lol. My Pinterest are full of them.  Here are a few pictures of me with headwraps…… //pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/js/adsbygoogle.js
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Natural hair photoshoot


I’ve always wanted to do a natural hair photoshoot but  never  got around to doing it. As of lately, I have become fond of photography.  I like it because it allows me to be creative and fun.  I’ve also started wearing head wraps and makeup. In fact, I enjoy taking pictures so much, I decided to start doing photoshoots of natural hair women and men as a celebration of our natural beauty. I love to travel too so I figured I could combine the two and enjoy where it takes me.  Here are some of my pictures

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Are you really married? 


Last night my husband and I were reading a book called the 7 rings of marriage. Which is an awesome book if I must say. Anyways, we got on a particular part in the book that asked the question… will you say yes AND say no? Yea that was kind of confusing to me too. So my husband read on……. it went to explain. By saying “NO” it means that you and your spouse will decide to say no to divorce all together no matter what becomes of your marriage. Remaining true to your agreement with god. Anytime it gets bad in your marriage, the answer will always remain “NO” to divorce. It said you can already be happy or miserable as hell in the marriage but divorce will not be an option. Then it asked us a question that had me stuck in the middle of the street like a deer staring at a tracker trailers head lights. It said before moving on to the next chapter in this book, will you take the stand and vow, no to divorce and yes to your marriage as a ministry?……………….wheeeeew!!!!!! Just like that my husband answered yes I do!!!!! And he was sitting there waiting for me to answer but I was stuck. Really stuck!! Now don’t get me wrong, I love the shit out of my husband. I really do. But I’m like I remember times when I’ve gone to see a lawyer for divorce before because I felt like it was the last straw. I couldn’t take it anymore, I felt like I was going to lose my mind if I didn’t get a divorce. Yet this book and my husband is asking me to take my possibility of divorce away from me?. So, instead of answering my husband question, I begin asking him questions like, so babe, you are willing to stay with me no matter what!!!! I do to you in our marriage? Again he immediately said yes!!! So I took it up a notch and asked well what if I did the absolute worst to you aka cheated or something? Again yes!!!! So I asked how? He said because I know that you won’t do anything to hurt me. You’ve never given me a reason to feel that way so I feel positive. I’m thinking to myself, so I’ve made it easy for him to love me and trust me unconditionally. He has never been faced with the possibility with going through a divorce before. He’s never cried himself to sleep of pain and disappointment. He’s never been given the experience of……well you get what im saying. So quite naturally, it was that easy for him to answer because he’s only felt love, trust, support and loyalty in our marriage. But for me, it was hard. I felt paralyzed just from the thought of having no way out if I needed it. So the next morning when I got up, that question was heavily on my mind. I went outside with our doggie envy to let her use the bathroom and while I was waiting, I ask God a question. I said lord why is it so important for me to have a way out of my marriage? No answer. Then I asked again. Lord, why am I so afraid of commitment? Then I heard the record scratch like on tv when something happens. Wait a minute!!!! Whaaaat!!!! No no no that was not my question lord where did that come from? Afraid of commitment? No I’m not!! How am I afraid of commitment? I enjoy being married. I have never cheated on my husband. I’m not going anywhere!!!!……..unless…. (then I paused) then continued talking. Unless things are getting to hard for me or I feel like I don’t want to do it anymore. Wooow!!! Really god!!??? Are you really telling me off early in the morning? Oh!!! God wasn’t finished just yet with me. He said are there some other areas in your life where you have not been committed or have a fear of committing to? Ummmm no ( feeling pressed). But God kept speaking to my spirit with his gentle loving self by saying, why haven’t you opened your haircutting shop? Haven’t you Been praying about that for 10 years now? I answered yes. Next question, what about you getting in shape to be able to wear a 2piece for the first time. Do you eat and workout consistently? I answered no. Have you finished any of your books yet? I answered no. Tonya, I remember you saying that you were going to work on keeping the house spotless everyday even if your husband messed it right back up. Did that last? I answered no. Then I heard, in order for anything to become a success, you must stay committed no matter how hard it gets. By saying no to divorce and yes to your marriage, it will teach you commitment. Not just in marriage but in life. Your problem has never been afraid of failure or success. It has always been your lack of commitment. So today is the beginning ofyour new life and it starts by making the decision to commit to the no and yes of your marriage. By this time I’m in tears because of the revelation and conviction through the holy spirit. So, to my husband jae, today I am taking a stand for our marriage. I am saying no to divorce ( I’m sweating by the way) and yes to the ministry of our marriage. I love you.

Your committed wife

How to achieve these curls


After shampooing my hair, 

I Applied Giovanni direct leave-in conditioner, olive oil eco styler gel and grey perm rods. 

Rod your hair the way you would like your hair to fall. 

I allowed my hair to air dry. 

Once my hair was dry, I mist it with a little water in a spray bottle. 

When God speaks,  do you listen?  What is he saying to you?


God speaks to us in many ways. One of those ways is through our mess aka Trials and tribulations. For instance, I use to struggle with trust in my marriage. It was the hardest thing for me because of what I had been through. I use to pray to god to change my husband, change the situation just change something. lol But something happend that I wasnt expecting. Instead of god changing my husband’s behavior, he switched it back to me. He asked me to look at my own behavior. I was like… Me??? As you can imagine, I was looking around the room like he has to be talking about someone else. Why should I look at myself? I havent done anything wrong. See, god loved me so much that he took the time to chastize me like a father does a child. Like he was saying, well yes I see what he did but can you look at this situation at a different angle and ask yourself was there anything that you could have done differently in this situation? (god) Do you make it easy to talk to you about things? (me) I guess, I dont. (god) Do you spend more time telling him what hes doing wrong than what he’s doing right? (me) yes. (god) are you just waiting for him to mess up so you can punish him for it? (me) yes. (god) are you very impatient with him? (me) yes (god) Do you get angry and unforgiven when he lies to you? ( Me: Now we are getting somewhere…Yes Yes I do. I hate liars!! (God)Have I been angry and unforgiven with you when you lie to me?(me) no ( with water filling my eyes) (god) well then, Is his sin any worst than your sin? after all sin is sin to me. It doesnt matter what kind it is. There is not a level scale when it comes to sin. Whether you steal or murder, its all on the same level to me. But my unconditonal love for you will forgive you for any sin. And that right there has opened my eyes to life. I realized that I am not a victim. I realize that I wasnt as perfect of a wife as I thought I was and I realized that I didnt love my husband unconditionally. I loved him but not his flaws. God loves me with my flaws. Sometimes the problems in your marriage or relationships with people is not always them. It actually could be you too. We can not change other people only ourselves. Lets take our mind off ourselves and put it on god. He will direct you the rest of the way.

I colored my own hair!! 


Protective styling idea. 


spring break protective styling.

Lean not, on your own understanding


Let me start by saying that I am known to worry about things, big and small. I am getting to know myself more spiritually. One of the things I’m working on is fear and worrying. So, I thought I’d share something with you guys that touched my heart in a very unusual way today. Lately, I’ve been praying to God about opening my own Natural hair salon business. Keep in mind, I have no prior managerial or business skills. I’m currently working at a salon chain company like cuts by us, super cuts etc. Well, I was told I needed to attend a hair training class. which I thought was ridiculous because I’ve been cutting hair for 10 years  and I’ve taken this class already ( 8 years prior). Needless to say, I was upset because I thought it was a waste of my time. The class is for 3 days (Tues, Wed and Thurs).  I recieved a call the night before stating that I needed to bring a copy of my stylist license and another form. Both of which I could not find (just my luck) So, I started panicking. Not only couldnt I find my paper work but I suddenly remembered I didnt have anyone to take my 3 boys to school, or pick them up because I would be in training from 9 to 5. The morning of my  training class, I got up early  and joyce myers was on  TV talking about how we need to Stop trying to work everything out your way and ask god to help us more. So, I said out loud God, I cannot find a my license, I  didnt have the other paper I needed for this training and I dont know how my kids are gonna get to or from school. I need your help with it all. In the mean time, I am going to get dressed for this class that I don’t want to go to and trust you for the rest. I am NOT going to worry about any  of it. AMEN!!  So, I got dressed and ate breakfast. Right when I was about to wake the kids up for school, a news flash across my television school stating “School will be closed today” because of possible snow in Georgia. Well, I didn’t have to tell you that my mouth flew open with surprise. Now, I could go to this training and didn’t have to worry about my kids going to school today. WOW!! So, I went on to the training class relieved. When I arrived guess what?? No one asked about my license and the other form that I needed….. The instructor gave me a spare copy she had on her desk without me asking her for one (2nd WOW). Once she started training us, I noticed everything she was teaching was all important information for ME to know in order to have a successful hair salon. It was stuff  that I didn’t know and hadn’t heard before or maybe I have heard it before but this time it had a purpose for me. It’s ok to know how to cut and style hair but if you’re lacking  excellent customer service and appreciation for clients, your business has already failed. So, that’s why I needed to retake this training (3rd WOW). After the class was over for the day, I went home to find out that my kids school decided to close for the next day as well because of the weather. OMG, That’s 2 of my 3 training days  that god worked out for me with  the kids (4th WOW).  I trusted him. He provided and worked out my problems better than I could have done on my own. So, I looked up Proverbs 3 verse 5-6 . which reads….(.5 )Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; (6) in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.    I hope this will help someone else and increase your faith.

Thank for reading,

Naturalhairworldconfessions