I’m going to share with you all a personal moment in my life, when I didnt feel so pretty or good enough body wise. Being on social media and comparing myself to the people I saw on there. It was hard not seeing ppl on there that looked like myself.  I became self conscious and it showed in my personality towards others. It was after I had my 2nd son. My weight refuse to go down.  I didnt know how to deal with it or what to do to fix it. I had only one idea …..starve myself.  Yes, I know some of you personal trainers out there probably cringed when you read that but hey I didnt know any better at the time and I really had no one to teach me differently.  Starving myself seemed like it was working until my hair started falling out. Oh and I started getting a fever. And don’t get me started on the constant constipation, no energy and I even developed acid.  reflux. On top of all of that yall, I ended up gaining more weight. I couldn’t understand what I was doing wrong.  No eating = skinny …..right?     WRONG !!!!!!


My body was refusing to let go of the food I was eating because it didn’t know when it would get its next meal. Starving myself was having the opposite effect on my body. WTH !!!!???

After a couple of years of this, I realized that I wasn’t helping myself but hurting myself.  It wasn’t until I almost put myself into the hospital that I realized that the root of my problems was that I didn’t have any self love..  omg, I didn’t love myself. I didnt need to work on my weight, I needed to work on loving myself. Wow!! That hit me like a ton of bricks. So I shifted my thoughts from being over weight to how do I start loving myself. Which in return helped me to lose weight in the process. I started by researching ways to love yourself.

1st, was accept yourself just as you are, even if your not where you want to be. Now I must be honest, I knew this was going to be a hard one for me.

2nd, I had to stop comparing myself to others. So while I was going through this process, I took a break from social media for awhile.

3rd, I started walking. I used this time to give myself compliments the whole entire walk.  Yep, sure did.

4th, I started carrying a gallon of water with me everywhwere i went.   Omg water was soooo nasty to me at first but I saw how much water weight I was getting rid of so it started encouraging me to drink more of it.

5th, I stayed off of the scale. The break up was real. Sorry scale but we need to take break from each other for awhile.

6th, I started eating 5 small meals a day. High protein low carb meals.

After awhile of this, I could feel a change in my body and the way that I was feeling about myself.

I begin to realize that there was nothing wrong with my body. It was my mind that needed a diet.  I also started to realize that I wasn’t the only one going through this body shame thing. Both men and women feel this way. After more research I realized young girls and boys are experiencing this shame at an early age at an alarming rate. 

I knew I had to do something to help people  overcome this feeling of self hate but how?

I didnt have the answer back then but when I started photography, I kept running into the same problem with my clients being afraid to do photoshoots because of their ” love handles, stretch marks, big butts,  face, or because of their weigh gain as a whole.  Thats when the light bulb  went off.  I noticed how beautiful and confident they felt after doing a boudoir shoot or something a little sexy.  I enjoyed seeing the self love they found by looking at themselves in a way that they never did before.   I decided that boudoir was a way for me to help, teach and give back all at the same time. 

We are all beautiful. Everyone is not suppose to be skinny.  Some of us are suppose to be voluptuous queens And teddy bear kings. Who doesn’t still love their favorite teddy bear?  Stop being hard on yourselves and show more love and admiration.  C’mon look at yourself in the mirror, blow a kiss at yourself and own that shit….


I finally got my nose pierced and I’m glad I did it. Before you look at this video, just know that I was afraid lolol. I do not like anything that resembles a needle. It might as well have been a sword going through my nose. Lol. I honestly think I reverted back to a 3rd grader while getting this piercing. But enough of that. You’ll get the picture when you watch the video


So, I went to get my nose pierced. I was so excited. Actually my husband treated me to a nose piercing on one of our monthly dates. So after getting the piercing things were looking pretty good. My nose was a little sore but that was pretty much it. Sleeping with a nose piercing proved different for me. It seemed like every time I turned around, I was hitting my nose with my arm or hand. What are the odds of this happening? Well a few days of this first fight with my nose, I started to notice a bump near my piercing. It started getting bigger and bigger. I couldnt take it anymore so I started looking at videos on how to get rid of this ugly bump. I tried the sea salt and hot water, peroxide and I even used ear piercing solution. Nothing worked !!! Oneday I decided to try alcohol on a cotton q-tip and what do you know……..it felt like a miracle. I started to see the bump disappear extremely fast. Within 2days, it was gone. Here’s the how to video https://youtu.be/SAIIU7F5AMQ


My husband just turned 67 years old on August 10th. I cant get over how young he looks. I mean…….what kind of vitamins are you taking sir? What kind of holy water fountain are you drinking from? Maybe it’s because your vegan. It looks like hes full of juices and berries. If you dont believe me check out the rest of his recent pictures from a photoshoot I did with him.
See!!!! I told you !!!! This man is amazing. At 67 years old, he chases after the mailman every saturday because he cant stay off of amazon website. The crazy part yall is that he chases the mailman with his shoes off…. doesnt that just turns you on?
This is my husband sitting down thinking. See when your 67 years old, it’s hard for you to think with your head up because your neck is weaker at that age. So the gravity of a his bighead pulls his neck down.
Oh !! And on this picture, I think hes looking at my butt. I’m probably bending over picking up some carrots off of the floor for him to snack on. I cant explain to you why he loves dirty carrots but my guess is he think he is bugs bunny or something. But anyways you guys, this is my antique 67 yr old husband. P.s. this was fun to write. I hope you enjoyed and had a good laugh today…
P.s.s. Hes also a personal trainer.
This is he and CT Fletcher in Las Vegas 2019. CT is like your how….old MF??? !!! Lol (jk jk ) If you have fitness questions, he would be glad to answer them for you. You can follow him on youtube, instagram and fb under ” avid athletics”


#lifetime, #rkelly #victims, #rnb,#music, #captionthis, #hiphopnews,  #aaliyah 

Part 2 of surviving R Kelly had me almost speechless. It had me staring into space. In my first post on the subject, I touched on how I felt about all the victims involved including the younger victimized  Robert Kelly. After watching the 2nd part of the show, I was left with an upset stomach.  I couldn’t understand why this girl still wanted to be in his world after seeing for herself what he was being charge for at the courthouse.   


The first thing to come to mind is this man is a malignant Narcissist.  


What is narcissistic personality disorder?


It is  someone who seems excessively vain or full of themselves.  Narcissism doesn’t mean self-love—at least not of a genuine love.  It’s more accurate to say that people with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) are in love with an idealized, grandiose image of themselves. And they’re in love with this inflated self-image because it allows them to avoid deep feelings of insecurity. 


Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) involves a pattern of self-centered, arrogant thinking and behavior, a lack of empathy and consideration for other people, and an excessive need for admiration. Others often describe people with NPD as cocky, manipulative, selfish, patronizing, and demanding. This way of thinking and behaving surfaces in every area of the narcissist’s life: from work and friendships to family and love relationships.

People with narcissistic personality disorder are extremely resistant to changing their behavior, even when it’s causing them problems. Their tendency is to turn the blame on to others. What’s more, they are extremely sensitive and react badly to even the slightest criticisms, disagreements, or perceived slights, which they view as personal attacks. For the people in the narcissist’s life, it’s often easier just to go along with their demands to avoid the coldness and rages.People with narcissistic personality disorder frequently mistreat, manipulate, or abuse people that are close to them to get what they want. They see nothing wrong with doing so, since they always put themselves first and do not consider the needs of others to be as important as their own. Malignant narcissists have enough polish and charisma to cover their real motivations on most occasions. When their true nature is finally exposed, family members and friends are often shocked and bewildered by what they discover.

Malignant narcissists frequently cause great emotional or physical harm to others, to the point where they may be labeled sociopaths or psychopaths. But ultimately narcissism is their real problem, and without therapeutic intervention their malicious behavior may continue indefinitely. Does any of this sound familiar to you?  


My heart goes out to his wife Andrea.

The emotional turmoil that she endured is unimaginable.  Sure, she can sit down and talk and try her best to explain it but there are no words. We’ve all been hurt and cheated on before and can relate to the hurt deep in our heart that is indescribable, Right? Well what we went through was nothing compared to the kind of hurt she felt. To this day, you can still see that she is potentially scarred for life. 
 For the 2nd night, I’m sending love and healing to the victims.


Stay tuned until part 3 tomorrow guys..

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Dear Lj, 

Today you turned 17 years old.  Wow!  Where has the time gone? It seems as though just yesterday I was changing your diapers. As I look at you today,  I get kinda emotional because I am soooo extremely  proud of the young man that you’ve become.  You have always been such a good kid  growing up.  I watch you open doors for every female you see (even if they take a long time getting to the door lol 😆), how you are there for me the entire time when I’m not feeling well,  how excited you get over funny or not so funny youtube videos😂, how you swear that you have the best dance moves ever in life, and how your maturing and thinking differently.  Oh and have I told you how much I love to hear you sing/ rap your favorite songs? You have excellent taste in music,  you have never been in any kind of trouble in school or out of school, you make friends easily and everyone loves you once they meet you.  I look forward to watching you continue to grow and mature into the man you have chosen to become in this life.  I love you and I really appreciate your spirit.  Its so genuine and real.  Im glad to be your mom. 

Love ❤ always, 

Ma


#maternityshoot #maternityphotography #maternity #baby #pregnancy #love #photography #pregnant #newbornphotography #momtobe #maternityfashion #family  #maternityphotoshoot #babybump #mom #newborn #familyphotography #photographer #maternitystyle #photooftheday #photoshoot #motherhood #newbornbaby #babyboy #babylove #mum #portrait #cute 
So, today I did my first maternity photoshoot.  I was excited yet nervous at the same time.  The model name is Keyonna.  Shes 19 years old and will be having her first child in September.  Keyonna is naturally beautiful so she didn’t need much makeup. I love ❤ this lipstick on her by coloured raine.  It has a blue base to it which works perfectly with keyonna’s skintone.  I did a shot on the train track. Wait a minute……… did I just say that I did a shot on the train  tracks?  Doesn’t that sound  dangerous lolol.  Ok  ok  let me rephrase that whole sentence.  I photographed her on the train tracks. There!!!  Sounds better.

This picture was taken at a park where there were alot of huge flat rocks and trees. Its actually named “flat rock park”.   I wanted her to be able to look back years from now and see the beautiful miracle she had growing inside of her.

this picture is probably one of my favorites.  Why?  Well im so glad you asked.  Its because she looks so fly maaan, So polished, so confident,  so melanin popping ish.  And yes,  I just made that word up.  Thats all I got for yall.  I don’t know what else you want me to say.  Shes beautiful.

This last look is of keyonna mysteriously wearing a wedding veil.  Why did I choose to have her wear a veil?  Ok. Ok. I’ll tell you.  I just looove when yall ask questions.  I simply chose a veil to throw you off.  Its an attention getter.  You immediately look at it and wonder about it.  Yet you can still see how it brings out her beauty.  I love to throw in stuff that doesn’t make sense yet creates a beautiful picture.

I hope you’ve enjoyed my photography.

Don’t forget to “Like” and “Follow”

Love ❤, Tonya Deshawn
o​​​


#fearless #love #questions #red #speaknow #reputation #motivation #life #happy #reputationstadiumtour #instagood #fear #fake #strong #sad #swiftie #quotes #believe #happiness #success #fear #swifties #inspiration #entrepreneur #sadquotes #nature #cute #fitness #quotestoliveby #bhfyp #blogging

Do you really know?

Lets take a moment to think about it in a deeper sense.

So you want to start a business right? But you haven’t because of “fear”. Can you physically see fear? Can you physically touch it? Does it have a smell? A taste? Can you hear it? Those are all 5 of our senses yet, we are unable to use these senses to describe what fear is.   Which is why I ask the question. What the hell is “fear”? To me the word “fear” represents a symbol. What is a symbol? Something that represents something else – in essence. The word symbolic is defined as : “The practice of representing things by means of significance to objects, events or relationships. ” what I mean by this is when you make it up in your mind that you want to start a business then the symbolism of fear start to show up, ask yourself why is fear showing up whenever I think of starting a business. Start digging deep into your psyche. Ask yourself what part of starting a business am I most fearful 😨 of? Lets say, your answer was the financial part of the business is what makes you think of fear. Ok. Now we are getting somewhere. Lets tackle the business issue. You can take business classes, financial classes, or you can hire someone in that field to handle the aspect of the business for you. Pay close attention to the way they do it and slowly learn it for yourself. Have you ever heard someone talking about ants or mosquitos crawling or saw alot of damn ants on tv and you started scratching your own arm or slapping your neck like it was actually crawling on you? Or remember when you were younger, imagining that your bed was some kind of boat and you were “afraid 😨” to put your feet on the floor because we were somehow convinced that it was water full of sharks and they would bite our feet off. Remember that, you damn pyschos!!! Smh lol 😆 Listen linda. Linda linda linda , listen. The moral to this story is “fear” is a pretend emotion.  Lol Get out your own heads and do the work to start that damn business.

P.s. Would you do me a favor? Like, comment, follow and share this post. Mmmmmuuuuuaaaahhh😘

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