This was really hard for me to publish because this was something that i chose to keep inside but maybe my unfiltered truth can be someone elses break through. So i share with you unselfishly. Here goes……………………………. I didn’t eat too healthy today. Had honeycomb cereal for breakfast, watermelon for a snack , 2 hot dogs and 1 bottle of water and Chex mix for snack. I have been feeling frustrated with myself and everything surrounding it. Marriage could be better, 2 kids leaving for the military soon, 37 without a real career going for myself making 500 a month, and everybody looks to me to fix there problems. Sometimes I can handle it and other times, it’s just too much to handle. Like I’m being pushed into a corner wall. It’s hard for me to stick with one thing. I never finish what I start. I complain all the time and I trust no one. I’m very critical of others but I am offended when I’m criticized. I don’t feel worthy a lot of times. I am the happiest when I’m with my kids. I like doing hair, I like giving advice, I like helping people with my money secretly, I love respectful kids, I’m excellent with money management, I am detail oriented, very organized, I love to be around positivity all the time, negativity puts me in a bad frame of mind, I love to laugh and make people laugh, I strive for harmony, I hate liars even though I lie to myself, I don’t say what I really feel inside, I hide my feelings from others, I worry what others think of me, I always want people to like and be pleased with me, I either don’t have any friends or I’m just not a good one, I’m a nagging person, I love hard, I forgive fairly easy, I believe that Jesus died for me, I have been born again, I have accept Christ as my lord and savior, I love writing and putting my feelings down on paper, I love to see people do well in life whether they like me or not, I’m a people’s person most of the time, I crave knowledge and wisdom, I love to show love and affection to the mistreated and homeless, I have a quick temper and a attitude problem, I can be one of the sweetest people you’ll ever meet, I get lazy when I’m bored, It’s hard for me to sit down and relax most of the time, I almost always see the glass half empty instead of half full, I don’t take well to rejection, I’m too prideful to ask for help but I take pride in people in need of help, I lose motivation really fast, I haven’t really healed from my past ( just kinda tuck it in my pockets), it’s hard for me to get over stuff, I loved my father but i never liked him (he was very abusive to my mother), I believe I’m mixed but have no real proof which angers me sometimes, I don’t have a genuine relationship with my only sister( I don’t think she ever got over the fact that I was born), I allow my fears to stop me from doing things I want to experience, I ignore people’s phone calls when I don’t want to be bothered and I don’t know what my real passion or purpose is….. wheeeeew! !! Never did this before. I guess you can lie to everybody else but you can’t lie to yourself. Laying it all out.. God , can you handle all of this? This is what I’ve been holding onto for years. This is my baggage.
Let me start by saying that I am known to worry about things, big and small. I am getting to know myself more spiritually. One of the things I’m working on is fear and worrying. So, I thought I’d share something with you guys that touched my heart in a very unusual way today. Lately, I’ve been praying to God about opening my own Natural hair salon business. Keep in mind, I have no prior managerial or business skills. I’m currently working at a salon chain company like cuts by us, super cuts etc. Well, I was told I needed to attend a hair training class. which I thought was ridiculous because I’ve been cutting hair for 10 years and I’ve taken this class already ( 8 years prior). Needless to say, I was upset because I thought it was a waste of my time. The class is for 3 days (Tues, Wed and Thurs). I recieved a call the night before stating that I needed to bring a copy of my stylist license and another form. Both of which I could not find (just my luck) So, I started panicking. Not only couldnt I find my paper work but I suddenly remembered I didnt have anyone to take my 3 boys to school, or pick them up because I would be in training from 9 to 5. The morning of my training class, I got up early and joyce myers was on TV talking about how we need to Stop trying to work everything out your way and ask god to help us more. So, I said out loud God, I cannot find a my license, I didnt have the other paper I needed for this training and I dont know how my kids are gonna get to or from school. I need your help with it all. In the mean time, I am going to get dressed for this class that I don’t want to go to and trust you for the rest. I am NOT going to worry about any of it. AMEN!! So, I got dressed and ate breakfast. Right when I was about to wake the kids up for school, a news flash across my television school stating “School will be closed today” because of possible snow in Georgia. Well, I didn’t have to tell you that my mouth flew open with surprise. Now, I could go to this training and didn’t have to worry about my kids going to school today. WOW!! So, I went on to the training class relieved. When I arrived guess what?? No one asked about my license and the other form that I needed….. The instructor gave me a spare copy she had on her desk without me asking her for one (2nd WOW). Once she started training us, I noticed everything she was teaching was all important information for ME to know in order to have a successful hair salon. It was stuff that I didn’t know and hadn’t heard before or maybe I have heard it before but this time it had a purpose for me. It’s ok to know how to cut and style hair but if you’re lacking excellent customer service and appreciation for clients, your business has already failed. So, that’s why I needed to retake this training (3rd WOW). After the class was over for the day, I went home to find out that my kids school decided to close for the next day as well because of the weather. OMG, That’s 2 of my 3 training days that god worked out for me with the kids (4th WOW). I trusted him. He provided and worked out my problems better than I could have done on my own. So, I looked up Proverbs 3 verse 5-6 . which reads….(.5 )Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; (6) in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. I hope this will help someone else and increase your faith.
Thank for reading,
Lately, I’ve been running into so many people who have a down fall of constantly trying to please other people. I know many of you reading this can relate. Rather it’s you parents, boyfriend, wife, children, boss, friends etc. How many times have you said, I want to go here or wear this outfit but I know (fill in the blank) won’t like it? So, you end up not doing what you want, just so someone else is pleased. Being a people pleaser makes you miserable. I must confess that I had it bad. I put my own feelings aside for people that mattered and it was so bad that I was trying to please people that I knew didn’t like me. How crazy is that? And let’s not talk about relationships. .. Omg, I use to bend over backwards for whoever I was dating to prove myself worthy to him. I liked wearing lipstick but if I knew they didn’t like it, I wouldn’t wear it. Or what about this all familar scenerio.
me: I want to go eat at McDonald’s.
Boyfriend: I like Burger King better. ( even though I hate Burger king)
me: oh ok, I’m sure I can find something there.
Meanwhile, I’m sitting at the restaurant miserable because I’m not happy with my choice but My hardest obstacle in life was my own mother.( believe it or not) My mom always used these manipulating tactics with me growing up. For instance, I always wanted to go to the airforce. So, after high school, I took the Asvab test to go to the Airfoce. That was around the same time my father passed away. So when my mom found out my plans, she started saying to me how if I left, she wouldn’t have anyone else here and how anything could happen to her. So instead of going through with my plans, I allowed her to manipulate me into staying and I never left. I’m still here in the same city (One decision I will always regret). When she saw that worked, she started using it to pick my friends. After I was married, I told her that my new husband and I ate thinking of moving 1 hour away to start our lives and what did she do? She starting tell me how she’s getting old and if she dies, she wanted me to have the house. I’m like, ok this is getting ridiculous. On her part and mine because I was allowing her to do it. To make a long story short. We are still moving and I am determined to live my life for me. My advice to you all is to realize your worth and start living like your worthy. Stop living to please others cause you’ll never satisfy them. Satisfying yourself is much more rewarding even though it’s hard to do at first. It’s worth it in the end.
This is another open forum for the ladies and gentlemen…
Question: Is sex more of a chore in a marriage/relationship or enjoyment?
I know some people can relate to both sides. You hear about people being in relationship for a couple of years and lose the sexual enjoyment. Instead it become more of a chore. Something you do out of an obligation. If you didn’t have to do it you wouldn’t.
Quick scenario: chick gets ready for bed in a head scarf, sweat pants, big t-shirt with one sock on and the other one off. Boyfriend/ husband/fiancé, scratching his butt real hard, farts, look at his chic like she did it then yanks his boxers out of his crack just before getting under the covers. The chic has all kind of names going through her head that she wants to call him but instead both of them turn their backs to each other until……… he turns around and press it against her butt and then she has 2 seconds to come up with a good fake snore, get a fast head ache or take a deep breath and give in hoping it will be over soon.
My question is where does things go wrong? and why? There are no right or wrong opinions. I
I feel that sex is very important in a relationship. It’s where 2 people get a chance to connect on a spiritual level with their soul mate. It relieves stress, it makes your bond closer. It’s enjoyment for me… what about you?
50 Ways to Stop Pulling Your Hair
- © Trichotillomania Learning Center, Inc. 2010. All Rights Reserved
Originally published on the TLCTRICHSUPPORT email group.
As many of you know I am over 9 weeks pull free. I started to come up with a list of ideas on how to stop pulling your hair for a article im writing. I am going to list them below.
50 ways to stop pulling your hair
* = I have tried these methods. ** = These tips have helped me the most.
- Wear a bandana to bed. *
- Make a sticker chart. Everyday that you go without pulling add a sticker. Hang this sticker chart in a room where you pull the most.**
- Reward yourself after several days (or hours) of being pull free.*
- Be patient with yourself.*
- Join a support group.*
- Talk to another person with Trichotillomania.*
- Wet down your hair. This will make it really hard to pull out your hair since it will be slippery.*
- Learn what your body needs instead of pulling. Is your body tired, hungry, sleepy, excited, etc? Then tell yourself out loud what you need and go do it.**
- Get a membership with TLC
- Stimulate your senses. Many of us that pull like the sensation that comes with it. Instead of pulling do other things to stimulate these such as washing your hair, brushing your lips on dental floss or string (if you rub the hair on your lips), and massaging your scalp.*
- Avoid caffeine right before bed. Often bed time is a time when a lot of people pull. By using caffeine you keep yourself up longer and it heightens anxiety.*
- Buy a fidget toy.*
- Find other things to do with your hands such as knitting, crocheting, or cross stitch. *
- Wear a hoodie to bed as a barrier to pulling. *
- Go see a psychologist that performs cognitive behavioral therapy
- Try hypnotherapy *
- Make small reasonable goals. Such as I will not pull for the next three hours. Then keep increasing your time.
- Look at your hair in the mirror everyday with your hands behind your back. Stare into the mirror until the anxiety to pull has lessened. This is called exposure therapy and it does work! **
- Look in the mirror every day to see how much its grown. Be proud of your hard work. **
- Brush your hair instead of pulling*
- Have a positive attitude**
- If you pull some hair do not beat yourself up about it, just try again.
- Use the saying “every hair belongs on my head” and repeat this over and over until the urge to pull ceases.*
- Make yourself busy, too much down time can be dangerous.*
- Help others, which in turn will help you.**
- Read everything you can on the internet about trichotillomania and the treatment plans to deal with it.*
- Watch shows and documentaries about trichotillomania to learn new techniques.*
- Wear perfume on your hands so that you will realize when your hand is going up to pull out your hair.
- Name the hairs you want to pull out. It sounds silly but for some it works.
- Spend less time in the areas of your house that you pull in.*
- Keep a journal of your feelings.*
- Find a hair that is laying around your house and stare at it daily. For many people the sight of hair can trigger hair pulling. By staring at a piece of hair everyday you are exposing yourself to the anxiety that follows. This will eventually cause the anxiety to lessen.*
- Also read textbooks about the anatomy of hair. This does the same thing as #32
- Play with silly putty *
- Take a long bath to ease the anxiety.**
- Wear a wig the entire day, until you go to bed. Then put on a bandana. ( Only use this the first two weeks or so, then trust yourself enough to take it off)*
- Take good care of your hair. Appreciating the hair you have will provide you with the courage you need to grow more. This means you should brush your hair daily, wash it at least once a day if possible, and respect that it belongs on your head.*
- Put your tweezers in a cabinet until you need them for grooming, not Trichotillomania. If you use tweezers a lot you may need to throw them out and only buy new ones when you have your Trichotillomania under control.*
- Imagine your life without Trichotillomania and with hair.**
- Place lotion or gel on your hands so it’s hard to grasp the hair you want to pull.
- Place notes that say “NO” or inspirational sayings about stopping hair pulling in places where you normally pull.
- Wear a rubber band around your wrist to snap every time you want to pull.
- Wear a bead bracelet to fidget with.
- Lift weights. Your arms will be too tired to want to pull.
- Pet an animal. Sometimes just running your hands through a pet’s fur can stimulate the same sensation that you need in order to ease anxiety.*
- Take pictures of your bald spots and post them where you usually pull. When seeing these pictures you will not want to pull since bald spots are frightening.
- Tell your friends and family to tell you to stop if they see you pulling. *
- Spread the word about Trichotillomania. Sometimes telling other people about our condition helps us want to change it. *
- Last but not least learn to love yourself. Only then can you start to heal. **
- Treatment Options
- Find a Treatment Provider
- Find a Hair & Skin Care Provider
- Find a Support Group
- Find Other Products / Services
- Free Information Packet
Trichotillomania is hair loss from repeated urges to pull or twist the hair until it breaks off. Patients are unable to stop this behavior, even as their hair becomes thinner.
Causes, incidence, and risk factors
Trichotillomania is a type of impulsive control disorder. Its causes are not clearly understood.
It may affect as much as 4% of the population. Women are four times more likely to be affected than men.
Symptoms usually begin before age 17. The hair may come out in round patches or across the scalp. The effect is an uneven appearance. The person may pluck other hairy areas, such as the eyebrows, eyelashes, or body hair.
These symptoms are usually seen in children:
An uneven appearance to the hair
Bare patches or all around (diffuse) loss of hair
Bowel blockage (obstruction) if people eat the hair they pull out
Constant tugging, pulling, or twisting of hair
Denying the hair pulling
Hair regrowth that feels like stubble in the bare spots
Increasing sense of tension before the hair pulling
Other self-injury behaviors
Sense of relief, pleasure, or gratification after the hair pulling
Most people with this disorder also have problems with:
Feeling sad or depressed
Poor self image
Signs and tests
Your health care provider will examine your skin, hair, and scalp. A piece of tissue may be removed (biopsy) to find other causes, such as a scalp infection, and to explain the hair loss.
Experts don’t agree on the use of medication for treatment. However, naltrexone and selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) have been shown effective in reducing some symptoms. Behavioral therapy and habit reversal may also be effective.
Trichotillomania that begins in younger children (less than 6 years old) may go away without treatment. For most people, the hair pulling ends within 12 months.
For others, trichotillomania is a lifelong disorder. However, treatment often improves the hair pulling and the feelings of depression, anxiety, or poor self image.
People can have complications when they eat the pulled-out hair (trichophagia). This can cause a blockage in the intestines or lead to poor nutrition.
Early detection is the best form of prevention because it leads to early treatment. Decreasing stress can help, because stress may increase compulsive behavior.
Bre Scullark ( off of American Next top Model)
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