God speaks to us in many ways. One of those ways is through our mess aka Trials and tribulations. For instance, I use to struggle with trust in my marriage. It was the hardest thing for me because of what I had been through. I use to pray to god to change my husband, change the situation just change something. lol But something happend that I wasnt expecting. Instead of god changing my husband’s behavior, he switched it back to me. He asked me to look at my own behavior. I was like… Me??? As you can imagine, I was looking around the room like he has to be talking about someone else. Why should I look at myself? I havent done anything wrong. See, god loved me so much that he took the time to chastize me like a father does a child. Like he was saying, well yes I see what he did but can you look at this situation at a different angle and ask yourself was there anything that you could have done differently in this situation? (god) Do you make it easy to talk to you about things? (me) I guess, I dont. (god) Do you spend more time telling him what hes doing wrong than what he’s doing right? (me) yes. (god) are you just waiting for him to mess up so you can punish him for it? (me) yes. (god) are you very impatient with him? (me) yes (god) Do you get angry and unforgiven when he lies to you? ( Me: Now we are getting somewhere…Yes Yes I do. I hate liars!! (God)Have I been angry and unforgiven with you when you lie to me?(me) no ( with water filling my eyes) (god) well then, Is his sin any worst than your sin? after all sin is sin to me. It doesnt matter what kind it is. There is not a level scale when it comes to sin. Whether you steal or murder, its all on the same level to me. But my unconditonal love for you will forgive you for any sin. And that right there has opened my eyes to life. I realized that I am not a victim. I realize that I wasnt as perfect of a wife as I thought I was and I realized that I didnt love my husband unconditionally. I loved him but not his flaws. God loves me with my flaws. Sometimes the problems in your marriage or relationships with people is not always them. It actually could be you too. We can not change other people only ourselves. Lets take our mind off ourselves and put it on god. He will direct you the rest of the way.
I want to talk about a subject that everyone is so excited about in the beginning then once they do it, they realize it’s not all peaches and cream.. … yeah, you guessed it
I was married in 2005 and divorced in 2008 due to infidelity. Then I married my best friend in 2012. Let me first say that marriage can be such a beautiful experience in life. But it’s also very challenging. What makes it so challenging? ( I just read your mind) well, when you marry someone, you become “as one”. All there issues become y’all issues. If you do something, go out somewhere, buy something, communicate thru text, email, skype etc, the other spouse should be on the same accord of agreement with it. If they are NOT or they don’t know about it, then it’s wrong in a marriage. When we make a decision to do something, we know if it’s right or not. We know if our other half would be pleased or not. And hey! If you are someone who doesn’t think like that then before you do it… ask yourself, would this piss my honey off if they found out? When you start making decisions that you hope the other person won’t find out about is when you move your marriage into a dangerous territory called division or separation. When there is a situation or subject that divides or separates a couple then you are not on the page ” as one”. I hope that make sense. Almost everything that one spouse does will have a effect on the other spouse. If one spouse does not pay a light bill on time and nothing is communicated, it will affect both of you because you both will be in the dark. THAT SMALL situation created division between the marriage because of no communication. That!! Ladies and gentlemen is a small crack of opportunity for the devil to work his magic in to your beautiful union. That’s all he need. An opportunity. He’s saying yes!!! I thought I would never get a chance to tear this marriage up. I couldn’t get them to be mad and breakup before cause every time you see them, there either praying together, praying for each other, keeping each other informed, laughing, having bible study with each other or having the best sex ever. Lol ( rubbing his hands together) the husband let the lights get cut off so I know she’s gonna be mad. Let me see how much damage I can do to this other wise beautiful marriage. That’s how the devil thinks about your marriage. He seeks to steal ( your marriage) kill ( your marriage) and destroy ( your marriage). So it’s up to you how you respond to the upsets in your marriage. Respond wrong ( you will give the devil a window of opportunity) respond right ( the devil lost his opportunity). Husbands, put god and wife first. Wives, put god and your husband first. Some of us have allowed the devil to screw our marriage up for so long that we don’t know where to start. That’s ok. God does… start with him. Just remember in a marriage that every one of us has weaknesses. No one is perfect so remove that expectation from your spirit. You have faults just like they do. When it seems like it hurts to think about making your marriage work because of the hurt and pain that you’ve endured. I understand that feeling all so good but pray for your spouse and ask God to restore you from the inside out and make you two whole again. Find you a prayer and fast on it every day and every night. Kiss your mate when you really feel like slapping the hell out of them. Love them hard even when you ” feel” they don’t deserve it. Your not doing it for them, your doing it as a sacrifice to god. Die to yourself. Fight for your marriage spiritually. If you really want it and watch god work.
Let me start by saying that I am known to worry about things, big and small. I am getting to know myself more spiritually. One of the things I’m working on is fear and worrying. So, I thought I’d share something with you guys that touched my heart in a very unusual way today. Lately, I’ve been praying to God about opening my own Natural hair salon business. Keep in mind, I have no prior managerial or business skills. I’m currently working at a salon chain company like cuts by us, super cuts etc. Well, I was told I needed to attend a hair training class. which I thought was ridiculous because I’ve been cutting hair for 10 years and I’ve taken this class already ( 8 years prior). Needless to say, I was upset because I thought it was a waste of my time. The class is for 3 days (Tues, Wed and Thurs). I recieved a call the night before stating that I needed to bring a copy of my stylist license and another form. Both of which I could not find (just my luck) So, I started panicking. Not only couldnt I find my paper work but I suddenly remembered I didnt have anyone to take my 3 boys to school, or pick them up because I would be in training from 9 to 5. The morning of my training class, I got up early and joyce myers was on TV talking about how we need to Stop trying to work everything out your way and ask god to help us more. So, I said out loud God, I cannot find a my license, I didnt have the other paper I needed for this training and I dont know how my kids are gonna get to or from school. I need your help with it all. In the mean time, I am going to get dressed for this class that I don’t want to go to and trust you for the rest. I am NOT going to worry about any of it. AMEN!! So, I got dressed and ate breakfast. Right when I was about to wake the kids up for school, a news flash across my television school stating “School will be closed today” because of possible snow in Georgia. Well, I didn’t have to tell you that my mouth flew open with surprise. Now, I could go to this training and didn’t have to worry about my kids going to school today. WOW!! So, I went on to the training class relieved. When I arrived guess what?? No one asked about my license and the other form that I needed….. The instructor gave me a spare copy she had on her desk without me asking her for one (2nd WOW). Once she started training us, I noticed everything she was teaching was all important information for ME to know in order to have a successful hair salon. It was stuff that I didn’t know and hadn’t heard before or maybe I have heard it before but this time it had a purpose for me. It’s ok to know how to cut and style hair but if you’re lacking excellent customer service and appreciation for clients, your business has already failed. So, that’s why I needed to retake this training (3rd WOW). After the class was over for the day, I went home to find out that my kids school decided to close for the next day as well because of the weather. OMG, That’s 2 of my 3 training days that god worked out for me with the kids (4th WOW). I trusted him. He provided and worked out my problems better than I could have done on my own. So, I looked up Proverbs 3 verse 5-6 . which reads….(.5 )Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; (6) in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. I hope this will help someone else and increase your faith.
Thank for reading,
Lately, I’ve been running into so many people who have a down fall of constantly trying to please other people. I know many of you reading this can relate. Rather it’s you parents, boyfriend, wife, children, boss, friends etc. How many times have you said, I want to go here or wear this outfit but I know (fill in the blank) won’t like it? So, you end up not doing what you want, just so someone else is pleased. Being a people pleaser makes you miserable. I must confess that I had it bad. I put my own feelings aside for people that mattered and it was so bad that I was trying to please people that I knew didn’t like me. How crazy is that? And let’s not talk about relationships. .. Omg, I use to bend over backwards for whoever I was dating to prove myself worthy to him. I liked wearing lipstick but if I knew they didn’t like it, I wouldn’t wear it. Or what about this all familar scenerio.
me: I want to go eat at McDonald’s.
Boyfriend: I like Burger King better. ( even though I hate Burger king)
me: oh ok, I’m sure I can find something there.
Meanwhile, I’m sitting at the restaurant miserable because I’m not happy with my choice but My hardest obstacle in life was my own mother.( believe it or not) My mom always used these manipulating tactics with me growing up. For instance, I always wanted to go to the airforce. So, after high school, I took the Asvab test to go to the Airfoce. That was around the same time my father passed away. So when my mom found out my plans, she started saying to me how if I left, she wouldn’t have anyone else here and how anything could happen to her. So instead of going through with my plans, I allowed her to manipulate me into staying and I never left. I’m still here in the same city (One decision I will always regret). When she saw that worked, she started using it to pick my friends. After I was married, I told her that my new husband and I ate thinking of moving 1 hour away to start our lives and what did she do? She starting tell me how she’s getting old and if she dies, she wanted me to have the house. I’m like, ok this is getting ridiculous. On her part and mine because I was allowing her to do it. To make a long story short. We are still moving and I am determined to live my life for me. My advice to you all is to realize your worth and start living like your worthy. Stop living to please others cause you’ll never satisfy them. Satisfying yourself is much more rewarding even though it’s hard to do at first. It’s worth it in the end.
This is a open forum for the Ladies and Gentlemen…….
Why are some women OK with being the side chic?
I see it all of the time. I asked a guy his opinion and he said, ” I think females want to feel loved even if its not real. They think that some attention is better than none at all. We hear all the time about women without fathers in their life tend to look for a man to fill the void but what about the mothers who raise these daughters? What have these women been exposed to growing up as a child from their mothers? Did the child grow up seeing the mother being a side chic? What’s the mentality around it? I want to hear open minded opinions. There are not right or wrong answers. I want you to really think about it before you comment. And if you are a side chic or have been one in the past. Tell us your story… Maybe this information can help someone who might be lost or confused. Hey after all we have all been there whether we did it knowingly or not.
50 Ways to Stop Pulling Your Hair
- © Trichotillomania Learning Center, Inc. 2010. All Rights Reserved
Originally published on the TLCTRICHSUPPORT email group.
As many of you know I am over 9 weeks pull free. I started to come up with a list of ideas on how to stop pulling your hair for a article im writing. I am going to list them below.
50 ways to stop pulling your hair
* = I have tried these methods. ** = These tips have helped me the most.
- Wear a bandana to bed. *
- Make a sticker chart. Everyday that you go without pulling add a sticker. Hang this sticker chart in a room where you pull the most.**
- Reward yourself after several days (or hours) of being pull free.*
- Be patient with yourself.*
- Join a support group.*
- Talk to another person with Trichotillomania.*
- Wet down your hair. This will make it really hard to pull out your hair since it will be slippery.*
- Learn what your body needs instead of pulling. Is your body tired, hungry, sleepy, excited, etc? Then tell yourself out loud what you need and go do it.**
- Get a membership with TLC
- Stimulate your senses. Many of us that pull like the sensation that comes with it. Instead of pulling do other things to stimulate these such as washing your hair, brushing your lips on dental floss or string (if you rub the hair on your lips), and massaging your scalp.*
- Avoid caffeine right before bed. Often bed time is a time when a lot of people pull. By using caffeine you keep yourself up longer and it heightens anxiety.*
- Buy a fidget toy.*
- Find other things to do with your hands such as knitting, crocheting, or cross stitch. *
- Wear a hoodie to bed as a barrier to pulling. *
- Go see a psychologist that performs cognitive behavioral therapy
- Try hypnotherapy *
- Make small reasonable goals. Such as I will not pull for the next three hours. Then keep increasing your time.
- Look at your hair in the mirror everyday with your hands behind your back. Stare into the mirror until the anxiety to pull has lessened. This is called exposure therapy and it does work! **
- Look in the mirror every day to see how much its grown. Be proud of your hard work. **
- Brush your hair instead of pulling*
- Have a positive attitude**
- If you pull some hair do not beat yourself up about it, just try again.
- Use the saying “every hair belongs on my head” and repeat this over and over until the urge to pull ceases.*
- Make yourself busy, too much down time can be dangerous.*
- Help others, which in turn will help you.**
- Read everything you can on the internet about trichotillomania and the treatment plans to deal with it.*
- Watch shows and documentaries about trichotillomania to learn new techniques.*
- Wear perfume on your hands so that you will realize when your hand is going up to pull out your hair.
- Name the hairs you want to pull out. It sounds silly but for some it works.
- Spend less time in the areas of your house that you pull in.*
- Keep a journal of your feelings.*
- Find a hair that is laying around your house and stare at it daily. For many people the sight of hair can trigger hair pulling. By staring at a piece of hair everyday you are exposing yourself to the anxiety that follows. This will eventually cause the anxiety to lessen.*
- Also read textbooks about the anatomy of hair. This does the same thing as #32
- Play with silly putty *
- Take a long bath to ease the anxiety.**
- Wear a wig the entire day, until you go to bed. Then put on a bandana. ( Only use this the first two weeks or so, then trust yourself enough to take it off)*
- Take good care of your hair. Appreciating the hair you have will provide you with the courage you need to grow more. This means you should brush your hair daily, wash it at least once a day if possible, and respect that it belongs on your head.*
- Put your tweezers in a cabinet until you need them for grooming, not Trichotillomania. If you use tweezers a lot you may need to throw them out and only buy new ones when you have your Trichotillomania under control.*
- Imagine your life without Trichotillomania and with hair.**
- Place lotion or gel on your hands so it’s hard to grasp the hair you want to pull.
- Place notes that say “NO” or inspirational sayings about stopping hair pulling in places where you normally pull.
- Wear a rubber band around your wrist to snap every time you want to pull.
- Wear a bead bracelet to fidget with.
- Lift weights. Your arms will be too tired to want to pull.
- Pet an animal. Sometimes just running your hands through a pet’s fur can stimulate the same sensation that you need in order to ease anxiety.*
- Take pictures of your bald spots and post them where you usually pull. When seeing these pictures you will not want to pull since bald spots are frightening.
- Tell your friends and family to tell you to stop if they see you pulling. *
- Spread the word about Trichotillomania. Sometimes telling other people about our condition helps us want to change it. *
- Last but not least learn to love yourself. Only then can you start to heal. **
- Treatment Options
- Find a Treatment Provider
- Find a Hair & Skin Care Provider
- Find a Support Group
- Find Other Products / Services
- Free Information Packet
This is about a young boy with the hair pulling disorder called trichotillosis. It doesnt just affect women and also affect men and children of all nationalities. click below for a clip from good morning america. I will continue to research more information on black males that have the disorder because no one seems to be talking about it.. lets bring awareness to this because its real.
Trichotillomania is hair loss from repeated urges to pull or twist the hair until it breaks off. Patients are unable to stop this behavior, even as their hair becomes thinner.
Causes, incidence, and risk factors
Trichotillomania is a type of impulsive control disorder. Its causes are not clearly understood.
It may affect as much as 4% of the population. Women are four times more likely to be affected than men.
Symptoms usually begin before age 17. The hair may come out in round patches or across the scalp. The effect is an uneven appearance. The person may pluck other hairy areas, such as the eyebrows, eyelashes, or body hair.
These symptoms are usually seen in children:
An uneven appearance to the hair
Bare patches or all around (diffuse) loss of hair
Bowel blockage (obstruction) if people eat the hair they pull out
Constant tugging, pulling, or twisting of hair
Denying the hair pulling
Hair regrowth that feels like stubble in the bare spots
Increasing sense of tension before the hair pulling
Other self-injury behaviors
Sense of relief, pleasure, or gratification after the hair pulling
Most people with this disorder also have problems with:
Feeling sad or depressed
Poor self image
Signs and tests
Your health care provider will examine your skin, hair, and scalp. A piece of tissue may be removed (biopsy) to find other causes, such as a scalp infection, and to explain the hair loss.
Experts don’t agree on the use of medication for treatment. However, naltrexone and selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) have been shown effective in reducing some symptoms. Behavioral therapy and habit reversal may also be effective.
Trichotillomania that begins in younger children (less than 6 years old) may go away without treatment. For most people, the hair pulling ends within 12 months.
For others, trichotillomania is a lifelong disorder. However, treatment often improves the hair pulling and the feelings of depression, anxiety, or poor self image.
People can have complications when they eat the pulled-out hair (trichophagia). This can cause a blockage in the intestines or lead to poor nutrition.
Early detection is the best form of prevention because it leads to early treatment. Decreasing stress can help, because stress may increase compulsive behavior.