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Part 2 of surviving R Kelly had me almost speechless. It had me staring into space. In my first post on the subject, I touched on how I felt about all the victims involved including the younger victimized Robert Kelly. After watching the 2nd part of the show, I was left with an upset stomach. I couldn’t understand why this girl still wanted to be in his world after seeing for herself what he was being charge for at the courthouse.
The first thing to come to mind is this man is a malignant Narcissist.
What is narcissistic personality disorder?
It is someone who seems excessively vain or full of themselves. Narcissism doesn’t mean self-love—at least not of a genuine love. It’s more accurate to say that people with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) are in love with an idealized, grandiose image of themselves. And they’re in love with this inflated self-image because it allows them to avoid deep feelings of insecurity.
Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) involves a pattern of self-centered, arrogant thinking and behavior, a lack of empathy and consideration for other people, and an excessive need for admiration. Others often describe people with NPD as cocky, manipulative, selfish, patronizing, and demanding. This way of thinking and behaving surfaces in every area of the narcissist’s life: from work and friendships to family and love relationships.
People with narcissistic personality disorder are extremely resistant to changing their behavior, even when it’s causing them problems. Their tendency is to turn the blame on to others. What’s more, they are extremely sensitive and react badly to even the slightest criticisms, disagreements, or perceived slights, which they view as personal attacks. For the people in the narcissist’s life, it’s often easier just to go along with their demands to avoid the coldness and rages.People with narcissistic personality disorder frequently mistreat, manipulate, or abuse people that are close to them to get what they want. They see nothing wrong with doing so, since they always put themselves first and do not consider the needs of others to be as important as their own. Malignant narcissists have enough polish and charisma to cover their real motivations on most occasions. When their true nature is finally exposed, family members and friends are often shocked and bewildered by what they discover.
Malignant narcissists frequently cause great emotional or physical harm to others, to the point where they may be labeled sociopaths or psychopaths. But ultimately narcissism is their real problem, and without therapeutic intervention their malicious behavior may continue indefinitely. Does any of this sound familiar to you?
My heart goes out to his wife Andrea.
The emotional turmoil that she endured is unimaginable. Sure, she can sit down and talk and try her best to explain it but there are no words. We’ve all been hurt and cheated on before and can relate to the hurt deep in our heart that is indescribable, Right? Well what we went through was nothing compared to the kind of hurt she felt. To this day, you can still see that she is potentially scarred for life.
For the 2nd night, I’m sending love and healing to the victims.
Stay tuned until part 3 tomorrow guys..
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Today you turned 17 years old. Wow! Where has the time gone? It seems as though just yesterday I was changing your diapers. As I look at you today, I get kinda emotional because I am soooo extremely proud of the young man that you’ve become. You have always been such a good kid growing up. I watch you open doors for every female you see (even if they take a long time getting to the door lol 😆), how you are there for me the entire time when I’m not feeling well, how excited you get over funny or not so funny youtube videos😂, how you swear that you have the best dance moves ever in life, and how your maturing and thinking differently. Oh and have I told you how much I love to hear you sing/ rap your favorite songs? You have excellent taste in music, you have never been in any kind of trouble in school or out of school, you make friends easily and everyone loves you once they meet you. I look forward to watching you continue to grow and mature into the man you have chosen to become in this life. I love you and I really appreciate your spirit. Its so genuine and real. Im glad to be your mom.
Love ❤ always,
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How to know if you really have a good man.
I will never forget what my first husband told me when I asked him, why did he cheat on me.
His response was simple…
His answer: Because, you let me.
Well quite naturally it doesn’t take rocket 🚀 science to tell you that anybody who cheats on you, is NOT a good man/ woman for you. To me, that goes without saying because if he loves you, truly loves you, he will do everything in his power, never to put you in any negative situation involving another woman. No ifs ands or buts about it.
We can all agree that social media is of the Devil!! Lol 😆. Its so easy to cheat and communicate with other women. So, how to know when you’ve found a good man? Thats an easy answer. By his actions. How does he treat you? Be honest. How does he make you feel? What vibes do your family 👪 and friends get from him? Does he make you feel protected? When your in a situation where your treated unfairly or disrespected, does he immediately take your side and straighten it out ? Or does he remain quiet and say nothing at all. In other words, does he support you and have your back at all times even if it involves his family and friends?
To Beautiful blended families
In this day and age, there is a strong possibility that you may find yourself in a situation where he may already have kids. And don’t get me wrong, theres absolutely nothing wrong with that. My question is how comfortable does he make you feel in that situation? Does he make sure that the kids mother respect your role in his kids life? Is he showing the utmost respect to you in his co parenting relationship with his kids mother? Does he allow you room to develop your own relationship with his kids or does he make you feel like your role is not as important in his kids life? If you find yourself in this situation, these questions are very important to know the answers to. Having blended families these days are very common. So being in a relationship or marriage can become resentful or dreadful if its not a mutual understanding between all partipating parties involved. We hear horror stories about baby 👶 mama drama or baby 👶 daddy drama. The ex-wife or baby mama should never be allowed to feel she is more important than you. That can cause so many other disrespectful problems but Thats another story in itself lol but it all can be avoided if it is communicated and understood early on in your relationship.
Also, I must ask this question because this may be the most important of them all.. And that question is how much do you love yourself? I’ll tell you why I think this is the most important question. Ive learned that men are very smart. (Close your mouths ladies, its true) They pay attention to more than we as women realize. Men may not always know what they want in a woman 👩 but I promise you, they definitely know what they Do Not want in a woman. A man pays attention to your actions more than you think. They pay attention to how you carry yourself, how you act in public, the clothes you wear, what kind of mother you are to your kids, how fast you allow them to meet your kids, how often your in the streets, how fast you give up the vajayjay, how good you are with money, whether or not you can hold an intellectual conversation, whether or not he wants you to meet his mother and most of all, they pay attention to how you as a woman ALLOW them to treat you and what you allow them to get away with. They test you without you knowing it. They will never tell you those things because men allow you to show them who you really are and from the information that they receive from you ladies, they’ll treat you accordingly. So loving and respecting yourself is just as important as knowing if you have a good man. Teach a man how to love and be the right man to you by loving and being the right one to yourself.
Thank you for reading and would love to hear your comments below. Oh ! don’t forget to “like” and follow my blog
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In general, Everyone has sexual needs. Am I right? Whether your single,in a relationship or married.
When in a committed relationship, you are restricted from satisfying those needs outside of the relationship. (Supposedly)
But what if your partner has no obligation to satisfy these needs for you within the relationship?
How do you handle that situation?
I was sitting in a restaurant one day eating by myself and i overheard a conversation with 5 ladies and 3 guys talking about their sexless marriages. To my surprise, it was the women who wanted sex more in the marriage. And it was the husbands who refused to give it up. That blew my mind. I always thought guys were the horny macoroni’s. The conversation had my full nosey attention. As i continued to pretend to be into my salad, i overheard one lady explain in frustration that it’s not merely the act of sex. She said, What I’m missing is being desired, having the intimacy and spontaneity that we had before. Breathing in each other’s air, cuddling up, caressing each other while watching tv, him kissing my shoulders or love tapping my derriere as I walk by, all of it. I miss the Secret glances, the anticipation. Where did it go and do I have to go the rest of my life without it? This is not the relationship that I was “promised” when we were married . The longer, I go without, the more I feel the attraction towards him leaving me. It is, in fact, a betrayal on his behalf. She finished her story in tears of frustration.
While everyone consoled her by rubbing her back and handing her tissues, I heard another lady began speaking.
By this time, I’m all in the conversation.
She blurted out. It’s been three and a half months since we have been together sexually and I’m starting to consider other alternatives. I started chewing my salad slow because i was afraid if i continued to chew fast, the crunching noise would become too loud for me to hear the juicy story i was listening to across the table. She continued. This isn’t what I signed up for, but the phrase for better or worse still means something to me. If we can’t improve things I’m afraid I’ll be someone who will cheat, and that isn’t who I want to be.
One of the guys butted in and said listen, I understand 100%.
Two wrongs don’t make a right, but the hole created lends to so many other problems such blocks in communciation, unconscious distancing, wandering eyes and the desire for the intimate touch even if it’s from another person/lover. It’s a terrible place in an otherwise very happy marriage.
some of the others commenting said they felt justified in cheating. But while that solves their problem temporarily, it creates its own new problems. In which they all shook their heads in agreement. Eventually they all had a chance to express their deepest feelings and were preparing to leave. After they left the restaurant, I sat there pondering over what id just overheard. I also realized that they all left with no resolve in sight. It has to be such an awful feeling to be married to someone that you love and crave sexually and them not crave you just as much. It has to feel like torture. Especially, If medical issues have been ruled out and your spouse won’t make any effort to help bring desire and sex back into the marriage when you lovingly and honestly express your needs, well, that’s telling you a lot.
What are your feelings on this subject? Cheat,divorce or suffer?
#relationshiprepair #personaldevelopment #relationships #love #successquote #listening #communication #marriagematters #marriage #couplesgoals #couplestherapy #lifecoach #selfdevelopment #counseling #counselling #sayyes
Last night my husband and I were reading a book called the 7 rings of marriage. Which is an awesome book if I must say. Anyways, we got on a particular part in the book that asked the question… will you say yes AND say no? Yea that was kind of confusing to me too. So my husband read on……. it went to explain. By saying “NO” it means that you and your spouse will decide to say no to divorce all together no matter what becomes of your marriage. Remaining true to your agreement with god. Anytime it gets bad in your marriage, the answer will always remain “NO” to divorce. It said you can already be happy or miserable as hell in the marriage but divorce will not be an option. Then it asked us a question that had me stuck in the middle of the street like a deer staring at a tracker trailers head lights. It said before moving on to the next chapter in this book, will you take the stand and vow, no to divorce and yes to your marriage as a ministry?……………….wheeeeew!!!!!! Just like that my husband answered yes I do!!!!! And he was sitting there waiting for me to answer but I was stuck. Really stuck!! Now don’t get me wrong, I love the shit out of my husband. I really do. But I’m like I remember times when I’ve gone to see a lawyer for divorce before because I felt like it was the last straw. I couldn’t take it anymore, I felt like I was going to lose my mind if I didn’t get a divorce. Yet this book and my husband is asking me to take my possibility of divorce away from me?. So, instead of answering my husband question, I begin asking him questions like, so babe, you are willing to stay with me no matter what!!!! I do to you in our marriage? Again he immediately said yes!!! So I took it up a notch and asked well what if I did the absolute worst to you aka cheated or something? Again yes!!!! So I asked how? He said because I know that you won’t do anything to hurt me. You’ve never given me a reason to feel that way so I feel positive. I’m thinking to myself, so I’ve made it easy for him to love me and trust me unconditionally. He has never been faced with the possibility with going through a divorce before. He’s never cried himself to sleep of pain and disappointment. He’s never been given the experience of……well you get what im saying. So quite naturally, it was that easy for him to answer because he’s only felt love, trust, support and loyalty in our marriage. But for me, it was hard. I felt paralyzed just from the thought of having no way out if I needed it. So the next morning when I got up, that question was heavily on my mind. I went outside with our doggie envy to let her use the bathroom and while I was waiting, I ask God a question. I said lord why is it so important for me to have a way out of my marriage? No answer. Then I asked again. Lord, why am I so afraid of commitment? Then I heard the record scratch like on tv when something happens. Wait a minute!!!! Whaaaat!!!! No no no that was not my question lord where did that come from? Afraid of commitment? No I’m not!! How am I afraid of commitment? I enjoy being married. I have never cheated on my husband. I’m not going anywhere!!!!……..unless…. (then I paused) then continued talking. Unless things are getting to hard for me or I feel like I don’t want to do it anymore. Wooow!!! Really god!!??? Are you really telling me off early in the morning? Oh!!! God wasn’t finished just yet with me. He said are there some other areas in your life where you have not been committed or have a fear of committing to? Ummmm no ( feeling pressed). But God kept speaking to my spirit with his gentle loving self by saying, why haven’t you opened your haircutting shop? Haven’t you Been praying about that for 10 years now? I answered yes. Next question, what about you getting in shape to be able to wear a 2piece for the first time. Do you eat and workout consistently? I answered no. Have you finished any of your books yet? I answered no. Tonya, I remember you saying that you were going to work on keeping the house spotless everyday even if your husband messed it right back up. Did that last? I answered no. Then I heard, in order for anything to become a success, you must stay committed no matter how hard it gets. By saying no to divorce and yes to your marriage, it will teach you commitment. Not just in marriage but in life. Your problem has never been afraid of failure or success. It has always been your lack of commitment. So today is the beginning ofyour new life and it starts by making the decision to commit to the no and yes of your marriage. By this time I’m in tears because of the revelation and conviction through the holy spirit. So, to my husband jae, today I am taking a stand for our marriage. I am saying no to divorce ( I’m sweating by the way) and yes to the ministry of our marriage. I love you.
Your committed wife
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God speaks to us in many ways. One of those ways is through our mess aka Trials and tribulations. For instance, I use to struggle with trust in my marriage. It was the hardest thing for me because of what I had been through. I use to pray to god to change my husband, change the situation just change something. lol But something happend that I wasnt expecting. Instead of god changing my husband’s behavior, he switched it back to me. He asked me to look at my own behavior. I was like… Me??? As you can imagine, I was looking around the room like he has to be talking about someone else. Why should I look at myself? I havent done anything wrong. See, god loved me so much that he took the time to chastize me like a father does a child. Like he was saying, well yes I see what he did but can you look at this situation at a different angle and ask yourself was there anything that you could have done differently in this situation? (god) Do you make it easy to talk to you about things? (me) I guess, I dont. (god) Do you spend more time telling him what hes doing wrong than what he’s doing right? (me) yes. (god) are you just waiting for him to mess up so you can punish him for it? (me) yes. (god) are you very impatient with him? (me) yes (god) Do you get angry and unforgiven when he lies to you? ( Me: Now we are getting somewhere…Yes Yes I do. I hate liars!! (God)Have I been angry and unforgiven with you when you lie to me?(me) no ( with water filling my eyes) (god) well then, Is his sin any worst than your sin? after all sin is sin to me. It doesnt matter what kind it is. There is not a level scale when it comes to sin. Whether you steal or murder, its all on the same level to me. But my unconditonal love for you will forgive you for any sin. And that right there has opened my eyes to life. I realized that I am not a victim. I realize that I wasnt as perfect of a wife as I thought I was and I realized that I didnt love my husband unconditionally. I loved him but not his flaws. God loves me with my flaws. Sometimes the problems in your marriage or relationships with people is not always them. It actually could be you too. We can not change other people only ourselves. Lets take our mind off ourselves and put it on god. He will direct you the rest of the way.
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This was really hard for me to publish because this was something that i chose to keep inside but maybe my unfiltered truth can be someone elses break through. So i share with you unselfishly. Here goes……………………………. I didn’t eat too healthy today. Had honeycomb cereal for breakfast, watermelon for a snack , 2 hot dogs and 1 bottle of water and Chex mix for snack. I have been feeling frustrated with myself and everything surrounding it. Marriage could be better, 2 kids leaving for the military soon, 37 without a real career going for myself making 500 a month, and everybody looks to me to fix there problems. Sometimes I can handle it and other times, it’s just too much to handle. Like I’m being pushed into a corner wall. It’s hard for me to stick with one thing. I never finish what I start. I complain all the time and I trust no one. I’m very critical of others but I am offended when I’m criticized. I don’t feel worthy a lot of times. I am the happiest when I’m with my kids. I like doing hair, I like giving advice, I like helping people with my money secretly, I love respectful kids, I’m excellent with money management, I am detail oriented, very organized, I love to be around positivity all the time, negativity puts me in a bad frame of mind, I love to laugh and make people laugh, I strive for harmony, I hate liars even though I lie to myself, I don’t say what I really feel inside, I hide my feelings from others, I worry what others think of me, I always want people to like and be pleased with me, I either don’t have any friends or I’m just not a good one, I’m a nagging person, I love hard, I forgive fairly easy, I believe that Jesus died for me, I have been born again, I have accept Christ as my lord and savior, I love writing and putting my feelings down on paper, I love to see people do well in life whether they like me or not, I’m a people’s person most of the time, I crave knowledge and wisdom, I love to show love and affection to the mistreated and homeless, I have a quick temper and a attitude problem, I can be one of the sweetest people you’ll ever meet, I get lazy when I’m bored, It’s hard for me to sit down and relax most of the time, I almost always see the glass half empty instead of half full, I don’t take well to rejection, I’m too prideful to ask for help but I take pride in people in need of help, I lose motivation really fast, I haven’t really healed from my past ( just kinda tuck it in my pockets), it’s hard for me to get over stuff, I loved my father but i never liked him (he was very abusive to my mother), I believe I’m mixed but have no real proof which angers me sometimes, I don’t have a genuine relationship with my only sister( I don’t think she ever got over the fact that I was born), I allow my fears to stop me from doing things I want to experience, I ignore people’s phone calls when I don’t want to be bothered and I don’t know what my real passion or purpose is….. wheeeeew! !! Never did this before. I guess you can lie to everybody else but you can’t lie to yourself. Laying it all out.. God , can you handle all of this? This is what I’ve been holding onto for years. This is my baggage.
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I want to talk about a subject that everyone is so excited about in the beginning then once they do it, they realize it’s not all peaches and cream.. … yeah, you guessed it
I was married in 2005 and divorced in 2008 due to infidelity. Then I married my best friend in 2012. Let me first say that marriage can be such a beautiful experience in life. But it’s also very challenging. What makes it so challenging? ( I just read your mind) well, when you marry someone, you become “as one”. All there issues become y’all issues. If you do something, go out somewhere, buy something, communicate thru text, email, skype etc, the other spouse should be on the same accord of agreement with it. If they are NOT or they don’t know about it, then it’s wrong in a marriage. When we make a decision to do something, we know if it’s right or not. We know if our other half would be pleased or not. And hey! If you are someone who doesn’t think like that then before you do it… ask yourself, would this piss my honey off if they found out? When you start making decisions that you hope the other person won’t find out about is when you move your marriage into a dangerous territory called division or separation. When there is a situation or subject that divides or separates a couple then you are not on the page ” as one”. I hope that make sense. Almost everything that one spouse does will have a effect on the other spouse. If one spouse does not pay a light bill on time and nothing is communicated, it will affect both of you because you both will be in the dark. THAT SMALL situation created division between the marriage because of no communication. That!! Ladies and gentlemen is a small crack of opportunity for the devil to work his magic in to your beautiful union. That’s all he need. An opportunity. He’s saying yes!!! I thought I would never get a chance to tear this marriage up. I couldn’t get them to be mad and breakup before cause every time you see them, there either praying together, praying for each other, keeping each other informed, laughing, having bible study with each other or having the best sex ever. Lol ( rubbing his hands together) the husband let the lights get cut off so I know she’s gonna be mad. Let me see how much damage I can do to this other wise beautiful marriage. That’s how the devil thinks about your marriage. He seeks to steal ( your marriage) kill ( your marriage) and destroy ( your marriage). So it’s up to you how you respond to the upsets in your marriage. Respond wrong ( you will give the devil a window of opportunity) respond right ( the devil lost his opportunity). Husbands, put god and wife first. Wives, put god and your husband first. Some of us have allowed the devil to screw our marriage up for so long that we don’t know where to start. That’s ok. God does… start with him. Just remember in a marriage that every one of us has weaknesses. No one is perfect so remove that expectation from your spirit. You have faults just like they do. When it seems like it hurts to think about making your marriage work because of the hurt and pain that you’ve endured. I understand that feeling all so good but pray for your spouse and ask God to restore you from the inside out and make you two whole again. Find you a prayer and fast on it every day and every night. Kiss your mate when you really feel like slapping the hell out of them. Love them hard even when you ” feel” they don’t deserve it. Your not doing it for them, your doing it as a sacrifice to god. Die to yourself. Fight for your marriage spiritually. If you really want it and watch god work.