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Why did this scare the shit out of me??



Last night my husband and I were reading a book called the 7 rings of marriage. Which is an awesome book if I must say. Anyways, we got on a particular part in the book that asked the question… will you say yes AND say no? Yea that was kind of confusing to me too. So my husband read on……. it went to explain. By saying “NO” it means that you and your spouse will decide to say no to divorce all together no matter what becomes of your marriage. Remaining true to your agreement with god. Anytime it gets bad in your marriage, the answer will always remain “NO” to divorce. It said you can already be happy or miserable as hell in the marriage but divorce will not be an option. Then it asked us a question that had me stuck in the middle of the street like a deer staring at a tracker trailers head lights. It said before moving on to the next chapter in this book, will you take the stand and vow, no to divorce and yes to your marriage as a ministry?……………….wheeeeew!!!!!! Just like that my husband answered yes I do!!!!! And he was sitting there waiting for me to answer but I was stuck. Really stuck!! Now don’t get me wrong, I love the shit out of my husband. I really do. But I’m like I remember times when I’ve gone to see a lawyer for divorce before because I felt like it was the last straw. I couldn’t take it anymore, I felt like I was going to lose my mind if I didn’t get a divorce. Yet this book and my husband is asking me to take my possibility of divorce away from me?. So, instead of answering my husband question, I begin asking him questions like, so babe, you are willing to stay with me no matter what!!!! I do to you in our marriage? Again he immediately said yes!!! So I took it up a notch and asked well what if I did the absolute worst to you aka cheated or something? Again yes!!!! So I asked how? He said because I know that you won’t do anything to hurt me. You’ve never given me a reason to feel that way so I feel positive. I’m thinking to myself, so I’ve made it easy for him to love me and trust me unconditionally. He has never been faced with the possibility with going through a divorce before. He’s never cried himself to sleep of pain and disappointment. He’s never been given the experience of……well you get what im saying. So quite naturally, it was that easy for him to answer because he’s only felt love, trust, support and loyalty in our marriage. But for me, it was hard. I felt paralyzed just from the thought of having no way out if I needed it. So the next morning when I got up, that question was heavily on my mind. I went outside with our doggie envy to let her use the bathroom and while I was waiting, I ask God a question. I said lord why is it so important for me to have a way out of my marriage? No answer. Then I asked again. Lord, why am I so afraid of commitment? Then I heard the record scratch like on tv when something happens. Wait a minute!!!! Whaaaat!!!! No no no that was not my question lord where did that come from? Afraid of commitment? No I’m not!! How am I afraid of commitment? I enjoy being married. I have never cheated on my husband. I’m not going anywhere!!!!……..unless…. (then I paused) then continued talking. Unless things are getting to hard for me or I feel like I don’t want to do it anymore. Wooow!!! Really god!!??? Are you really telling me off early in the morning? Oh!!! God wasn’t finished just yet with me. He said are there some other areas in your life where you have not been committed or have a fear of committing to? Ummmm no ( feeling pressed). But God kept speaking to my spirit with his gentle loving self by saying, why haven’t you opened your haircutting shop? Haven’t you Been praying about that for 10 years now? I answered yes. Next question, what about you getting in shape to be able to wear a 2piece for the first time. Do you eat and workout consistently? I answered no. Have you finished any of your books yet? I answered no. Tonya, I remember you saying that you were going to work on keeping the house spotless everyday even if your husband messed it right back up. Did that last? I answered no. Then I heard, in order for anything to become a success, you must stay committed no matter how hard it gets. By saying no to divorce and yes to your marriage, it will teach you commitment. Not just in marriage but in life. Your problem has never been afraid of failure or success. It has always been your lack of commitment. So today is the beginning ofyour new life and it starts by making the decision to commit to the no and yes of your marriage. By this time I’m in tears because of the revelation and conviction through the holy spirit. So, to my husband jae, today I am taking a stand for our marriage. I am saying no to divorce ( I’m sweating by the way) and yes to the ministry of our marriage. I love you.

Your committed wife

My baggage


 This was really hard for me to publish because this was something that i chose to keep inside but maybe my unfiltered truth can be someone elses break through. So i share with you unselfishly. Here goes……………………………. I didn’t eat too healthy today. Had honeycomb cereal for  breakfast,  watermelon for a snack ,  2 hot dogs and 1 bottle of water and Chex mix for snack. I have been feeling frustrated with myself and everything surrounding it. Marriage could be better, 2 kids leaving for the military soon, 37 without a real career going for myself making 500 a month,  and everybody looks to me to fix there problems. Sometimes I can handle it and other times, it’s just too much to handle.  Like I’m being pushed into a corner wall.  It’s hard for me to stick with one thing. I never finish what I start. I complain all the time and I trust no one. I’m very critical of others but I am offended when I’m criticized.  I don’t feel worthy a lot of times. I am the happiest when I’m with my kids. I like doing hair, I like giving advice, I like helping people with my money secretly, I love respectful kids, I’m excellent with money management,  I am detail oriented,  very organized, I love to be around positivity all the time, negativity puts me in a bad frame of mind, I love to laugh and make people laugh,  I strive for harmony, I hate liars even though I lie to myself, I don’t say what I really feel inside, I hide my feelings from others,  I worry what others think of me, I always want people to like and be pleased with me, I either don’t have any friends or I’m just not a good one, I’m a nagging person,  I love hard, I forgive fairly easy, I believe that Jesus died for me, I have been born again, I have accept Christ as my lord and savior, I love writing and putting my feelings down on paper, I love to see people do well in life whether they like me or not,  I’m a people’s person most of the time, I crave knowledge and wisdom, I love to show love and affection to the mistreated and homeless, I have a quick temper and a attitude problem, I can be one of the sweetest people you’ll ever meet, I get lazy when I’m bored, It’s hard for me to sit down and relax most of the time, I almost always see the glass half empty instead of half full, I don’t take well to rejection,  I’m too prideful to ask for help but I take pride in people in need of help,  I lose motivation really fast, I haven’t really healed from my past ( just kinda tuck it in my pockets), it’s hard for me to get over stuff, I loved my father but i never liked him (he was very  abusive to my mother), I believe I’m mixed but have no real  proof which angers me sometimes, I don’t have a genuine relationship with my only sister( I don’t think she ever got over the fact that I was born), I allow my fears to stop me from doing things I want to experience,  I ignore people’s phone calls when I don’t want to be bothered and I don’t know what my real passion or purpose is….. wheeeeew! !! Never did this before. I guess you can lie to everybody else but you can’t lie to yourself. Laying it all out.. God , can you handle all of this? This is what I’ve been holding onto for years. This is my baggage. 

Fight for your marriage!


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I want to talk about a subject that everyone is so excited about in the beginning then once they do it, they realize it’s not all peaches and cream.. … yeah, you guessed it
MARRIAGE.
I was married in 2005 and divorced in 2008 due to infidelity. Then I married my best friend in 2012. Let me first say that marriage can be such a beautiful experience in life. But it’s also very challenging. What makes it so challenging? ( I just read your mind) well, when you marry someone, you become “as one”. All there issues become y’all issues. If you do something, go out somewhere, buy something, communicate thru text, email, skype etc, the other spouse should be on the same accord of agreement with it. If they are NOT or they don’t know about it, then it’s wrong in a marriage. When we make a decision to do something, we know if it’s right or not. We know if our other half would be pleased or not. And hey! If you are someone who doesn’t think like that then before you do it… ask yourself, would this piss my honey off if they found out? When you start making decisions that you hope the other person won’t find out about is when you move your marriage into a dangerous territory called division or separation. When there is a situation or subject that divides or separates a couple then you are not on the page ” as one”. I hope that make sense. Almost everything that one spouse does will have a effect on the other spouse. If one spouse does not pay a light bill on time and nothing is communicated, it will affect both of you because you both will be in the dark. THAT SMALL situation created division between the marriage because of no communication. That!! Ladies and gentlemen is a small crack of opportunity for the devil to work his magic in to your beautiful union. That’s all he need. An opportunity. He’s saying yes!!! I thought I would never get a chance to tear this marriage up. I couldn’t get them to be mad and breakup before cause every time you see them, there either praying together, praying for each other, keeping each other informed, laughing, having bible study with each other or having the best sex ever. Lol ( rubbing his hands together) the husband let the lights get cut off so I know she’s gonna be mad. Let me see how much damage I can do to this other wise beautiful marriage. That’s how the devil thinks about your marriage. He seeks to steal ( your marriage) kill ( your marriage) and destroy ( your marriage). So it’s up to you how you respond to the upsets in your marriage. Respond wrong ( you will give the devil a window of opportunity) respond right ( the devil lost his opportunity). Husbands, put god and wife first. Wives, put god and your husband first. Some of us have allowed the devil to screw our marriage up for so long that we don’t know where to start. That’s ok. God does… start with him. Just remember in a marriage that every one of us has weaknesses. No one is perfect so remove that expectation from your spirit. You have faults just like they do. When it seems like it hurts to think about making your marriage work because of the hurt and pain that you’ve endured. I understand that feeling all so good but pray for your spouse and ask God to restore you from the inside out and make you two whole again. Find you a prayer and fast on it every day and every night. Kiss your mate when you really feel like slapping the hell out of them. Love them hard even when you ” feel” they don’t deserve it. Your not doing it for them, your doing it as a sacrifice to god. Die to yourself. Fight for your marriage spiritually. If you really want it and watch god work.

Natural by choice or popularity?


DId you become natural because you felt like it was the best healthy choice or because its popular and everyone’s doing it now?

How would you describe your style and what is your goal length?

I made the decision to go natural for both reasons equally.

My style is pretty broad and hard to explain. I dress according to how I’m feeling. If that makes sense. I love the 60’s, 70’s and 80’s era. I enjoy different cultures and nationalities and sometimes I take bits and pieces from them all to make my own style. I love high heels but I can not walk in them. I like to dress my natural up with flowers, ribbons, hats, scarves etc. My goal length is waist length. My hair has never past bra strap length so I’m excited to reach my goal with all of you.

Tell me about yours….

..20130917_200029 (1)<<<<<<This is my hair length now<<<<<<<<

Image<<<<<<<<<This is my goal length<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

What do you know about a ” Vision Board”?


My Vision BoardA vision board is a tool used to help clarify, concentrate and maintain focus on a specific life goal. Literally, a vision board is any sort of board on which you display images that represent whatever you want to be, do or have in your life. In our ultra-digital age, you can also create vision boards to display on your computer screen and mobile devices.

What is the point? Simply put, we tend to be a very busy species and constantly bombarded by distractions. Making use of vision boards serves several purposes, some of which include helping you to:

  • Identify your vision and give it clarity.
  • Reinforce your daily affirmations.
  • Keep your attention on your intentions.
  • Vision Boards Help Provide Clarity

For example, to say “I want a better life” is a fine goal, but have you given serious thought to exactly what that means? Try to envision what your “better life” looks like. For those of us who find that somewhat difficult, making a vision board can be a tremendous help. In order to create my vision board, I must actively seek images that represent specific details of my wonderful new life. That means narrowing it down to specifics. For some, a better life might mean having a new car or home. Others may be seeking a new relationship or improvements in existing relationships. Doubtless you have heard it said that most of us never get what we want because we don’t know what we want. Making a vision board is a wonderful way to bring clarity to that general desire and turn it into an achievable goal.

Use a Vision Board for Your Daily Affirmations

I have high self esteem
I love and respect myself
I am a great person
I respect myself deeply
My thoughts and opinions are valuable
I am confident that I can achieve anything
I have something special to offer the world
Others like and respect me

These are some examples of a vision board.

vision board

vision board pic 1

vision board 1

vision board 2

vision board 3

So, since you now know what a vision looks like……

..vision board  3 I would love to post your vision board on my blog.

 

 

 

 

I’m baaaack!!!!


Ok so, I’m embarrassed to say but its been about a year since I’ve  posted anything. The last thing I’ve posted was on my birthday. You know how it is on your birthday or new years eve when you make up in your mind that your going to change for the better and all this mumbo jumbo…. Well that was me.. I took a before pictures of how I looked so that I could post it  because my plan was to lose weight, write a book and I believe grow my hair longer. Oh and about the pictures well lets just say, I was too embarrassed to put them up. I will be honest with you. Taking pictures of yourself when your feeling the most unattractive and looking at them are one thing.  Posting them on the internet for everyone to see is a whole different ball game lol. So, to make a long story short, I punked out. I felt too embarrassed to write. Kinda like when you borrow money from someone and never pay them back then you get mad at them and stop speaking because you know they are looking for their money. lolol, but I am here to tell you that the devil is a LIAR. I have decided to update my blog name from naturalhairworld to naturalhairworldconfessions. why? Because for so long, I’ve ran away from things that seem to hard for me. Including speaking on my true feelings. Always wondering how the next person might feel about what I’ve said. I’ve always placed others before myself.  In January, I will be 37 years old and feel the need to express myself in every way possible. So, it’s no telling what you’ll get from me. Did you know that “Worrying” about anything and everything can cause so much sickness and unhealthiness in your life and body?  Well, I refuse to continue to live that life….Again, My blog name is http://naturalhairworldconfessions.wordpress.org. …..feel free to ask questions, advice, send me pics of your natural unique style or just…………………. Enjoy the ride.