Sexless marriages, should you cheat, get a divorce or suffer?

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In general, Everyone has sexual needs. Am I right? Whether your single,in a relationship or married.

When in a committed relationship, you are restricted from satisfying those needs outside of the relationship. (Supposedly)
But what if your partner has no obligation to satisfy these needs for you within the relationship?
How do you handle that situation?

I was sitting in a restaurant one day eating by myself and i overheard a conversation with 5 ladies and 3 guys talking about their sexless marriages. To my surprise, it was the women who wanted sex more in the marriage. And it was the husbands who refused to give it up. That blew my mind. I always thought guys were the horny macoroni’s. The conversation had my full nosey attention. As i continued to pretend to be into my salad, i overheard one lady explain in frustration that it’s not merely the act of sex. She said, What I’m missing is being desired, having the intimacy and spontaneity that we had before. Breathing in each other’s air, cuddling up, caressing each other while watching tv, him kissing my shoulders or love tapping my derriere as I walk by, all of it. I miss the Secret glances, the anticipation. Where did it go and do I have to go the rest of my life without it? This is not the relationship that I was “promised” when we were married . The longer, I go without, the more I feel the attraction towards him leaving me. It is, in fact, a betrayal on his behalf. She finished her story in tears of frustration.

While everyone consoled her by rubbing her back and handing her tissues, I heard another lady began speaking.
By this time, I’m all in the conversation.

She blurted out. It’s been three and a half months since we have been together sexually and I’m starting to consider other alternatives. I started chewing my salad slow because i was afraid if i continued to chew fast, the crunching noise would become too loud for me to hear the juicy story i was listening to across the table. She continued. This isn’t what I signed up for, but the phrase for better or worse still means something to me. If we can’t improve things I’m afraid I’ll be someone who will cheat, and that isn’t who I want to be.

One of the guys butted in and said listen, I understand 100%.
Two wrongs don’t make a right, but the hole created lends to so many other problems such blocks in communciation, unconscious distancing, wandering eyes and the desire for the intimate touch even if it’s from another person/lover. It’s a terrible place in an otherwise very happy marriage.

some of the others commenting said they felt justified in cheating. But while that solves their problem temporarily, it creates its own new problems. In which they all shook their heads in agreement. Eventually they all had a chance to express their deepest feelings and were preparing to leave. After they left the restaurant, I sat there pondering over what id just overheard. I also realized that they all left with no resolve in sight. It has to be such an awful feeling to be married to someone that you love and crave sexually and them not crave you just as much. It has to feel like torture. Especially, If medical issues have been ruled out and your spouse won’t make any effort to help bring desire and sex back into the marriage when you lovingly and honestly express your needs, well, that’s telling you a lot.

In conclusion, Im curious.

What are your feelings on this subject? Cheat,divorce or suffer?

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8 Replies to “Sexless marriages, should you cheat, get a divorce or suffer?”

  1. Great blog!!!!
    In my opinion the husband and wife have to acknowledge the problem and come to a conclusion to fix the issue. Cheating should never be an option. If this route is chosen the consequences will be much more difficult to deal with than the sexless days and nights.
    Divorce is not a solution for a lack of communication either. Marriage is a sacred union and there will be issues. The couple has to dig deep and fix the problem!

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    1. I agree with you Twanna. You make really great points. Cheating shouldn’t be an option but what about the spouse who tries to communicate for months on end or even years for that matter just to find themselves still sexually frustrated. Alot of couples don’t understand that love making starts waaaaaay before you reach the bedroom… couples need to learn about mind sex, flirting and touching leading up to the actual act . Thats a form of nonverbal communication. couples are not even getting that in the marriage. So if your not getting stimulated mentally or physically and your doing your part then you feel cheated. But I still love your take on it.

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  2. Humans get bored so it’s understandable to have the dry spells but if both explore different ideas with each other it may not be an issue. I think we are afraid to express our sexual desires and fantasies because of judgement. At some point men and women who want to maintain a healthy relationship have to free themselves from judging each other

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    1. Omg that’s a great point.. I actually agree with you 100%. Alot of people are afraid to express themselves sexually. Some people never live out their sexual fantasies in life which includes marriage. Alot of times, that’s when you have someone in the marriage living their fantasies secretly on porn sites for example. Porn began to take the place of their wives or husbands because they are able to be themselves with no judgements. They become addicted to porn and that opens up a whole new can of worms. Because eventually porn start to replace the the spouse. I honestly think that communication about sex should be open and spoken about often in family 👪 homes as a beautiful thing, not something to be ashamed about… do you agree?

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  3. Cheat… get a divorce or suffer? I would say none of the above. Although not a simple fix for some, getting to the root of the problem is the key . Communication. It should not get to the point of cheating or divorce without some serious conversation on the matter. And in all honesty that may be a tough conversation to have… ask questions… whats going on…. Are you not attracted to me anymore… are you stressed? The list of questions can go on and on but try to find a way to get to the bottom of it. As a man , I myself have gone through stages where i lacked sexual desire to the point where I had to get checked to see what was going on with me physically. Luckily my wife was understanding and just as concerned as i was about the issue. We even discussed medical methods of getting my drive back if things didnt get better in its own. bottom Line is everyone is different and their reasoning for lack of intimacy will differ from person to person. Marriage is supposed to be forever so couples owe it to eachother to face those issues as one. Neither person deserves to suffer and cheating does not fix the issue, it only creates more problems. Honor your marriage and fight fix it before you decide to step out or end it.
    HOTEP

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    1. Hearing this from a man’s perspective is what we needed. Thank you for allowing yourself to be transparent on this topic. Your right communication and open dialogue is the key 🔑 to solving this issue and many others.. Great advice jae

      Like

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