My baggage


 This was really hard for me to publish because this was something that i chose to keep inside but maybe my unfiltered truth can be someone elses break through. So i share with you unselfishly. Here goes……………………………. I didn’t eat too healthy today. Had honeycomb cereal for  breakfast,  watermelon for a snack ,  2 hot dogs and 1 bottle of water and Chex mix for snack. I have been feeling frustrated with myself and everything surrounding it. Marriage could be better, 2 kids leaving for the military soon, 37 without a real career going for myself making 500 a month,  and everybody looks to me to fix there problems. Sometimes I can handle it and other times, it’s just too much to handle.  Like I’m being pushed into a corner wall.  It’s hard for me to stick with one thing. I never finish what I start. I complain all the time and I trust no one. I’m very critical of others but I am offended when I’m criticized.  I don’t feel worthy a lot of times. I am the happiest when I’m with my kids. I like doing hair, I like giving advice, I like helping people with my money secretly, I love respectful kids, I’m excellent with money management,  I am detail oriented,  very organized, I love to be around positivity all the time, negativity puts me in a bad frame of mind, I love to laugh and make people laugh,  I strive for harmony, I hate liars even though I lie to myself, I don’t say what I really feel inside, I hide my feelings from others,  I worry what others think of me, I always want people to like and be pleased with me, I either don’t have any friends or I’m just not a good one, I’m a nagging person,  I love hard, I forgive fairly easy, I believe that Jesus died for me, I have been born again, I have accept Christ as my lord and savior, I love writing and putting my feelings down on paper, I love to see people do well in life whether they like me or not,  I’m a people’s person most of the time, I crave knowledge and wisdom, I love to show love and affection to the mistreated and homeless, I have a quick temper and a attitude problem, I can be one of the sweetest people you’ll ever meet, I get lazy when I’m bored, It’s hard for me to sit down and relax most of the time, I almost always see the glass half empty instead of half full, I don’t take well to rejection,  I’m too prideful to ask for help but I take pride in people in need of help,  I lose motivation really fast, I haven’t really healed from my past ( just kinda tuck it in my pockets), it’s hard for me to get over stuff, I loved my father but i never liked him (he was very  abusive to my mother), I believe I’m mixed but have no real  proof which angers me sometimes, I don’t have a genuine relationship with my only sister( I don’t think she ever got over the fact that I was born), I allow my fears to stop me from doing things I want to experience,  I ignore people’s phone calls when I don’t want to be bothered and I don’t know what my real passion or purpose is….. wheeeeew! !! Never did this before. I guess you can lie to everybody else but you can’t lie to yourself. Laying it all out.. God , can you handle all of this? This is what I’ve been holding onto for years. This is my baggage. 

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15 thoughts on “My baggage

  1. I can relate to a lot of your struggles. How admirable of you to share. Just know you’re not alone. With faith and working in harmony with your prayers it will all get better. Thank you for so bravely sharing your story.

  2. For a minute there, I thought you were talking about me. Dear don’t be discouraged! God listens, he shows up at our darkest hours!
    You’re not alone!

  3. It takes a lot to be honest with yourself and one of the best things about reading this post is that you also highlighted the positives about yourself instead if only focusing on your shortcomings. It is good to be aware if them but not let them define and dictate who you are and your choices in life. It’s important to work out the kinks such as issues you have regarding your past because they will always find a way to manifest itself in your present and your future. As difficult as it may be face them. It may be unpleasant but it will may he you a stronger individual. It is easy to lose motivation, trust me I do myself. For some people it’s easy to stay motivated and for others it is a constant battle and it takes effort to find and stay motivated. You have to know that things have a way of working themselves out. They really do. Not every situation is permanent and will get better. Take some steps to change things up in your life like eating at least one healthy meal a day or trying to take small steps to better your relationship with your sister. Small steps will make all the difference in the long run. 🙂

    • Thank you for commenting Tara. You have some really valid and uplifting points. Being honest with yourself is extremely hard for someone to do but it is needed because it sets you free. For me, it was definitely needed and I’m glad that I did. I will definitely continue to take baby steps and one of them has already been made… This post. Thanks again Tara

  4. Everyone that has commented has taken the words out of my mouth. There’s nothing like looking at life with eyes wide open. God that has started the work within you will be faithful to finish (Phil 1:6)! God bless you sister! xoxo

  5. Wow hun u r awesome! Love your blog so tell me a year from this one now how has life changed??? You literally described me a few years ago (some of it)

    • Shan, thank you for reading and commenting. Yes, my life has changed. Sometimes we let the things in our lives that we can’t change bother us the most. I had to learn to let some stuff go girl! It was really weighing me down. My marriage is awesome because I finally gave it to god. My 2 oldest boys left for the airforce and I’m very excited for their life journey ( I’m always going to worry a little bit about them lol).

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